I was just sitting, internalized, on my bed curled up in a ball, swaying ever so slightly, meditating my hardest to remember where I put my GMAT score report so I can finish another part of my Grad School Application. Completely stumped, my mind skipped like a rock over the water of other thoughts that I figured might trigger the location of the report paper. Nonetheless the rock fell into the water on a particular topic of thought that I often revisit when I’m in a frustrated internal state and need a smile.
The specific moment of the thought-topic was of no surprise to me… the memory consisted of me in a different, yet sorta similar, sitting pose, gazing intently at the living image in front of me, for how long, I do not know… it seemed like an eternity, yet probably only a few seconds. In that memory I swayed, eyes fixed, ever so slightly as well, but as a fidget, rather than habit, from an over bubbling rush of a feeling that I knew must exist yet honestly had never expected to experience.
At that point I was reliving it again, feeling the flash behind my eyes as the bright blue pierced into me, the intent rush of amazement, then came the realization that it was too late, it took me by surprise, I didn’t intend to fall in love like this – in this way, I should never have gotten myself in this situation and let this happen, it’s not safe. I must have let my guard down somewhere, in sometime, but it was too late for that and yet oh so soon all at the same time. Maybe I put that paper in my night stand. No, not there either. Thank god for The Giver.