I’m not sure what it is about it that makes me think that I’d rather not belong to something that I have no choice but to be apart of. Much of it has to do with the apathy that fills in the gap between when you’ve just been introduced and before you realize that you actually have something in common. Being stuck in that point for a long period of time just makes me wish I had something better to think about. But that is the thing with meeting and getting to know new people. They are always this figure of light in the shadows, smiling and talking, but nothing makes sense, there is no connection other than the fact that you happen to cross paths.
From my prospective, I tend not to have any noticeable holes to fill until I start to make room for someone, then I realize that it is worth making room and it flows from there. But to have made room and then realized that they’re blocking another door is troublesome. Especially when they bring their friends into the mental sphere and cannot help but show how much more in love with them they are than they are with me. Not everyone does it, so why do some do it? Do they not realize that I’m sitting here wondering when we’re going to exist together in the present? No, probably not. That’s why it doesn’t work, there are too many of them on the periphery, too many comparisons, too many that came before, and too many to take in.
Information overload and “I’m exhausted, leave me alone”. I know to stick to my own introverted kind, but it is the extroverts who speak up and question me and suck me into their world. They enjoy the seeking as much as I enjoy being found.