Monthly Archives: September 2010

On Reading

On Reading

This is long over due, to the point where this should have been my first note.  But I had the urge to pull Proust from my book shelf and read his opening paragragh/sentence to “Days of Reading” and I still so full heartily agree.  I cannot say it better.  There is just some nostalgic essence in remembering the many books I kept my nose in.  I understand why they want children to read, more so than ever, because I can draw on experiences that I never actually experienced to aid my waking life.

I feel a sadness for it actually. I cannot get back to that place in my mind, I cannot revisit those stories as I first experienced them because I am no longer at that stage.  I no longer escape life into fantasy because I’ve managed to merge my fantasy with real life and I am content.  Therefore I seek no solace, no need to reach into another world of make-believe.  Now I am merely interested in cool concepts and stories that guide me into deeper understanding and meaning into my actual daily existence.  I am at one side excited about all I learn about in the real world beyond my home town, but at the same time depressed over my inability to connect with characters and events of stories long past.  An entire world of existance taken away from me by time and experience.  I’m forced to grasp to what I can, desperately for some peace of mind to avoid becoming like those jaded folks who tell me that fantasy world never existed in the first place.  Oh believe me, it is real, I have my personality to prove it.

The Moment When You Recognize that Certain Events are Connected

The Moment When You Recognize that Certain Events are Connected

There is that point where facts are suddenly drawn together by the mind to form a story.  At that moment you see the sequence of events not as black and white facts floating like humming birds along your recent-past timeline, but as a separate sub-timeline that you apply a title to because it is now one piece.  A split second after the facts are acknowledged as a “situation”, emotion is applied.  The emotion sucks your energy away from what is going on in front of you forcing you to momentarily live two lives until the inital emotional wave subsides.

Normally this process goes unnoticed unless the emotion applied is one which leads you to believe that there is a problem to solve.  For example, if the connected events bring on a rather large wave of fear, fight or flight kicks in, and you begin plotting your strategy in preparation for the worst case senario.  You’re still sitting in class taking notes, but in your mind you’re watching a movie of just how bad it could be and planning what you are going to have to do when the time comes to face the situation.  Luckily, you understand that the thoughts in your mind are indeed the worst-case senario, so it won’t as bad as you anticipate.  Conversely, were it an event washed with a happy emotion you would still be planning, but without the connotation that the word “problem” usually brings.