There are a few people who I wish I never met. The few fantastic or enjoyable moments spent with them were in no way worth the years of being reminded of them. I think it was just that I was left in limbo, a place of constantly being unsure of what was going on in my life. The existence of this unknown area, where I was powerless to express myself without being ignored or pushed aside, cause me all sorts of confusion. The world usually worked a certain way, but with this person all the usual ways were not the right way, all the simple gestures were not noticed, all the words I spoke were not as clear as they needed to be, and so on. It was almost as if I were silently being told “if you want me in your life then you’re going to have to suffer for it first: you’re going to have to wait, you’re going to have to be broken down, you’re going to have to be granted permission.” I just didn’t want it to be that way, I wanted it work. I’ve come to terms with the fact that life doesn’t work with everyone, what I haven’t come to terms with is how long it can take me to realize that sometimes. I’m tired of feeling embarrassed for it.