Yesterday I faced myself as a loser, today I’ve accepted that I’m actually not very smart. When I go at my own pace and can sort through dilemmas and problems in my own logical order, I make good decisions. Toss in time constraints and add some pressure and my decision making skills leave me flat on my ass.
The heat suddenly turned up and I started seeing a mirage. The devil showed me an image of everything I ever wanted and by pointing myself toward his smoke and mirrors, I shot myself in the foot.
The devil is gone and with him went the perfectly good opportunity I tricked myself into not wanting. So I sit here no further along in my search than when I started just more bored and pissed at my situation.
Yes there are things to do and ways to pass time and keep busy. But after a few credentials I’ve realized that there is no golden ticket. All my work has gotten me no where more than to a place where I still make bad decisions under pressure.