Category Archives: Complaints

The bad friend

The bad friend

I am a bad friend.

All her friends have always said so.

When she was nine, her best friend told her she was a bad friend because she wore glasses.

When she was 12, a friend told her she was bad because her braces and mouth retainer made her breath smell.

When she was 15, she was a bad friend for standing up for her boyfriend.

When she was 18, she was a bad friend for not being friends with a girl she hadn’t spoken to in two years.

When she was 21, she was a bad friend for not saying hello to a friend of a friend who really needed people to be nice to her.

When she was 24, she was a bad friend for not keeping in contact for the few weeks she went home to help her dad recover from heart surgery.

When she was 27, she wasn’t a bad friend because she had given up on having friends.

When she was 30 she was a bad friend for always calling another friend in the evening after a few drinks.

At least she’s got a few years before someone blames her for trying to be friends with them.

The mirror trap

The mirror trap

There you are, chatting about the past.  Answering honestly questions about how you perceived things happening.  Suddenly the questioner doesn’t like how you saw things and begins to argue that it didn’t happen that way.  They see the most negative extreme of what you said and you meant something judgmentally void of right and wrong.  In an attempt to keep clarifying, you realize that it is going nowhere and just as you are about to give up on the conversation, they throw shit at you: “Well it isn’t like you never did something stupid?”

Suddenly your eyes narrow, your throat wells up and you’re pissed.  “We weren’t talking about me, sooo what does that have to do with what we were talking about?” you ask.

“I’m just saying….”  the other party continues looking smug.

I try to retrace the conversation aloud with the person to figure out where I missed a turn but they are so dead set on putting me down that they refuse to map out the logic.  My mind races to map it out alone before the emotion wells up enough to take away my voice.

step one: she asked my opinion

step two: I gave it to her, she seemed fine until I said that one thing

step three: I kept clarifying and she couldn’t see that what I said was just a neutral observation.

step four: the tables turned and now I am under fire.

step five: escape!

In reality I said something she didn’t agree with and instead of staying on topic, she was offended and responded with a verbal jab.  I guess what I thought to be truthful common knowledge actually wasn’t.  I so unknowingly offended her first and she fought fire with fire.

Moral of the story: don’t use examples that include the person you are talking to… use examples about other people instead.  If they are still offended by that, then just don’t answer their questions anymore.

 

How you know a relationship is dying part IV

How you know a relationship is dying part IV

You feel confident when in certain situations, but when specific people are around you feel the need to compete for the friendship.  Your “friend” encourages this by naturally not making social concessions/offering agreed upon reassurance towards you.  When confronted your friend acts like they didn’t notice because they do it on purpose as their way of controlling you.  Confused you assume it is just in your mind, so you try to ignore it.  It happens again when the “better” friend is around.

Suddenly you realize that there is a hierarchy and the needs of the friends higher on the list are met before yours.  Often the needs of higher friends is that your “friend” be cold to their lower friends.  This modern day Machiavellianism is how friends exert dominance other each other for their own negative, controlling self indulgence.

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

True, I am one to often believe that wenching and complaining is quite necessary and a good way of simply expressing frustration over issues beyond ones control. But honestly, I can’t listen to the same stuff every occurrence. How is it possible that people forgot how to grow? No, Once you hit 21 you’re not necessarily set in your ways, you do not have to be the way you are forever, unless, of course, you are lazy or just in need of habits to use as a source of identity and a feeling of value for oneself.

I met a guy in Australia, old guy, name is John; I loved walking by my local pub and sitting down for a beer and a chat with John under the heat lamps. Like most guys, John had other women, same as me, who stopped by for a beer and a chat with him. I didn’t mind that I was just one of many, I felt honored actually. You see, John wanted to be known as: “John, you know, the guy always sitting out, drinking a beer at the Quarrymans Hotel.” That was John sole purpose… to be ‘that’ guy out side of a pub the the locals knew about and would remember (Keep in mind this was Sydney, not BFE).

I bring up this story because it has to do with controlling which niches one places oneself in. Being a creature of intense habit, I can detect- all to well- when someone needs a new habit adjustment, including myself. There comes that point when one is still playing the old program simply for the sake of being in the habit of filling a redundant scene in ones life with something and not getting anywhere, because ‘I just don’t know what else to do with myself.’ I.E. Holidays, yawning in conversations when you’re not tired, constantly making your life difficult so you don’t have to focus on other things, (insert annoying habit here), etc………

From this point one can go in basically two directions:
1. Don’t let on that the habit was ever there and change it so subtlety that no one notices until the change has fully been made, and then act as though the new part of you was there all the time, you just pulled it out of your sleeve all breezy-like. Brilliant. Wow. Stand up and clap for yourself.
2. Make a big deal out of your change and tell the whole world how you’ve wasted so much time and now these are all the things you’re gonna do and all the things you’re gonna accomplish. Not my style because it is only brilliant if you actually pull it off… and if you take this approach… I (or someone else) will steal your ideas (if I like them) and pull them off before you just to see if I can or steal the glory. As the Godfather said: “Trust people, but also be wary of them. Don’t let them know what you are thinking too much.”

Where does wenching fit into all of this? Wenching is one thing ones does when one is aware of a habit, but fears not being able to pull off a remedy for this little hole you’ve dug yourself. That is why I prefer option 1, from above, given a choice, because I have an annoying habit of fearing failure and don’t like others to see where I’ve failed- assuming they know what constitutes failure to me. Avoiding option 2 to also avoids compound failure and constant changing of plans, which makes one look weak and a bit delusional.

Most importantly, redundant wenching also is a result of hoping others will clean up your messes for you. This lazy luxury is not only for people who believe they are superior to the problem at hand and so feel they have the ‘right’ to wench about it, but also the ability to make it someone else’s problem. Tact, in this case, is definitely something that should be taught better on TV. Or maybe it is just me who has a hard time handling people swimming though dirty laundry while trying to have a conversation…. heaven forbid a tide come in.