Category Archives: Decisions

How to Know That You Need to Make a Change for Yourself

How to Know That You Need to Make a Change for Yourself

I hate the fact that we can only be in one place at one time. Everyday I am forced to rely on second hand accounts of what happened, which, for the most part is fine, because I wouldn’t always want to have actually been present for most events. But I honestly have issues relying on other peoples accounts of aspects of my life that I was not present for. There are just too many variables which could totally change the perspective of the situation. Other people’s perspectives also change based on their after thoughts of the situation. I try to cycle through as many different views of problematic situations, yet alone I am often unable to think of the right angel to approach many situations.

Paranoia kicks in when I have an idea in my head that requires me to make a decision and I don’t have enough data to make a full-on decision….or I am simply afraid of what another person’s reaction will be to my decision. At this point I am not sure if the data I have in front of me is enough, so I review and review and review trying to see where I can pull more information… with each review I think accuracy diminishes, yet in the moment there is no way to know that. Only later do details become more clear and only after getting another person’s input, which in itself is based on personal bias…. so I am still unsure of how accurate I am in my interpretation of the meaning of things.

I am thinking this is a conditioned response in me from being considered the weak one, or at least, from my perspective, constantly being treated as such. It is difficult dealing with people who will always find fault in something you do, or who think that their way is always better. It is never a smooth ride with them… I have to constantly assess my positioning, which in turn requires the use of suspicion. The use of suspicious thinking enables me to be prepared for as many possible outcomes as possible in hopes that when one outcome that is undesirable to me starts forming I can better prepare myself and/or take steps to guide it to an outcome more in my favor.

Emotionally, all this reacting to mere what-if situations this is draining. The best option when stuck in this situation is to shut out the person causing the stress (especially if they fail after a second chance). Unfortunately, pushing through situations like these are seen as a sign of character and maturity, which when it comes to maintaining a job for long periods of time, is essential. In other words, I can’t quit my job before I have proper experience just because one person I work with micromanages. In my personal life, I have learned, that I can take myself out of situations that cause too much drama and/or excite negative thinking and emotions in myself.

I’m toying with ideas about my way of thinking. There are many thoughts that come to mind not because I made an effort to pull them up, but many that just appear on my mind screen in response to whatever life situation I am in (I’m talking about our natural way of drawing from experience). When I’ve been running around all day being busy…I get tired. It is my body saying, “I need to rest.” So what do I do? Rest. The extent of my resting depends on how tired I am. Therefore the extent to which my mind pushes thoughts out to life situations utilizing pathways such as suspicious thinking, paranoia, anger, etc. is a response to how stressed out I am. I need to take this side effect as a message that I need to make some sort of change for myself to decrease the stress.

I’m practicing mental monitoring (bearing witness to the mind as a yogi would say) and I know from experiencing myself that when times are good and I am healthily trekking along, this stressful type of thought-layer isn’t building in my mind. It is not the thoughts themselves (it is tempting to indulge in the individual thoughts because they are very entertaining, but they will side track you from the bigger picture of how life is affecting you), it is the fact that I am having these types of thoughts in absence of happier ones that tells me I am not where I should be.

What to change and how? Those are now the questions.

Compound Stress and What Helps Me Cope With It

Compound Stress and What Helps Me Cope With It

I wrote this little diddy while waiting for my car’s oil service to finish up earlier today:

“I’ve realized that, indeed, there are things that I am stressed about, but in comparison to how many things that I used to be stressed about a few years ago (School, work, goals, money, meeting my ex’s requests, drinking, etc.), I’m practically stress free. Being unable to find a proper job leaves me plenty of time all day to hang out with my friends and family and get things done and organized around the house combine that with not having to manage a relationship (which always took up so much of my ME time before my Australia adventure) and I am allowed to do the things I like and as a result my natural tendency to overload myself and put myself aside is inhibited by this circumstance.

I now focus all that energy from those past stressful happenings to tasks that greatly increase my own contentment and the happiness of others around me (at least as best I can) and so when a stressor (like loosing my Lula Bula so suddenly) pops up, it is not compounded with many other stresses of life so coping with stress is not only clear, but bearable – almost to the point that I feel guilty for not exhibiting the same level of emotionally intense responses that I typically had in the past (when I had a multitude of stressors on my plate). In fact, I shouldn’t feel guilty at all, I should enjoy that I now know what it feels like to face storm rolling through life from a healthy prospective.”

Further to that, I have noticed that many people don’t get to this level of relaxation I feel right now (Yoga 3 times a week could be part of it….). I’ve noticed that a few people I’ve met are in a cycle of reacting to stress instead of managing it. That type of situation causes them to do all sorts of things except fully enjoy themselves. For example, if one seems to have little control over many aspects of life, this can cause long term stress to remain constant to the extent that this stress level is thought to be normal. Knowing no different (I used to be this way) one may try to control the few small aspects of life that one feels are malleable and shape them to personal whims and ideas of how it should be in a perfect world. This is an illusion because you can’t control people and thus the compounding stress gets even worse.

In reality, in some way, that same energy can be used to build oneself into the person one wants to be. That would mean letting a lot of familiar emotions and reliabilities go. Taking such a leap of faith not to mention using a lot of will power can be done in a way that actually nothing is lost except the stress, that is, only if (based on my logic) such a task is approached properly and before one is pushed over one’s burn-out limit.

So I have gone through my nutritional healing book (I’ve been diving into it a lot lately…) to list some stress coping suggestions that work for me and may be able to help anyone who actually reads these notes of mine:

*****Monitor your internal conversations. The way we talk to ourselves has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and our environment.

*****Avoid processed foods and all foods that create stress on the system, such as artificial sweeteners, carbonated soft drinks, chocolate, eggs, fried foods, junk foods, pork, red meat, sugar, chips and similar snack foods.

*****Do not repress or deny your emotions. This only compounds stress. Admit your feelings and accept them. Keeping strong feelings bottled up only causes them to resurfaces later as illness (I suggest thinking about this statement very, very carefully so see what an impact this may have had on you in the past).

*****Don’t be afraid to cry. Learning to cry can help you manage stress. Crying can relieve anxiety and lets loose bottled-up emotions.

*****Try not to take life too seriously. Learn to laugh.

Luck

Luck

I’m not much of a big money gambler so in my mind if there is ever a time when your whole manner of being (that is income, house payment, car, credit card bills, etc) relies exclusively upon trying to acquire more luck or positive energy to aid your hope of things turning out the way you want them to… then you know you’re in too far and what you are trying to do is actually not possible for you.

Emotional Reactivity

Emotional Reactivity

I was just brutally awakened 30 some odd minutes ago (at 3:30ish) by the most horrid feeling of biting my own tongue, sure it happens once in a while but not usually while I’m sleeping and dreaming. I woke up in such a panic that I had to check and make sure I didn’t bite part of it off. All that pain and it didn’t even bleed… so unable to go back to sleep I have hopped on this here clicking-ticking modern-day do-hickey machine in an attempt to bore myself back to a sleeping state.

After my panic subsided, I lay awake trying not to think of anything too attention grabbing… of course I failed because my thoughts flowed to a chain of a few events that prove to me that some things never change.

The best example that I can come up with is this:

Imagine a kid whose mom is making… lets say… brownies. The mom is really busy making other things as well and the kid, lead by the smell of food, wanders in to the kitchen from whatever had been distracting him and asks nicely and sweetly if he can eat a spoonful of brownie batter. The mom hadn’t actually gotten that far in her cooking progress to have mixed the batter fully so she tells the kid that he must wait until she is ready. Annoyed because he had remembered to ask so nicely and doesn’t see why she can’t just mix up the batter instantly instead of first cleaning up the juice he just spilled, attending to the cookies in the oven so they don’t burn, pouring the spaghetti noodles into the colander so they don’t get too soggy, and also answering the phone that has just started ringing. Finally the batter is mixed and the kid is presented with a fork, not a spoon, of delightfully dripping chocolate… and he no longer wants to eat the batter. He is so focused on the fact that he didn’t get what he wanted, when he wanted it, and in the way he wanted it, especially since he asked in the way he had been trained to, he is now just throwing a fit and storms off into the other room, denying his mom the satisfaction of giving him the batter that she put on a fork especially for him. The mom, not worrying too much about the situation, (because, after all, it is a kid throwing a fit) figures she will just explain later that she just thought he wanted the batter and didn’t realize he had put so much hope in getting the specifics fulfilled at a specific time.

So now pretend that the kid in this story is actually an adult and just watch all the ridiculous points of the situation that flow through your head. My main point in making him an adult all of a sudden is noticing that he isn’t strong in himself. He was expecting, or hoping, to get what he wanted in the way he wanted it and once he didn’t get it that way, piss off. He used the situation to trigger an emotional reaction to it… the mom has seen this program before and though his attempts are perhaps to get her attention, he won’t get it until daddy comes home from work and tells him to go in and apologize to his mother, tell her that he loves her and he is sorry,then they can move on to explaining to him that he shouldn’t treat people as objects for his emotionally reactive needs.

This note connects back into a previous one of mine where I mentioned not letting emotions be controlled by the outside world… but in this situation it is a bit different because the emotions aren’t being lead by the outside world, they are getting their fix through it. It is creating a dependency on other people by using them as emotional security blankets. For me, personally, there is only so much of this left over childish, maybe a bit adolescent of behavior that I can stand. Hence my enjoyment of solitude (a byproduct of which, makes me notice these things in life). No real, healthy, genuine companionship with another person, should rely on one person using the other to get some sort of emotional fix because the other person doesn’t want to have to clean up someone else’s messes, they just want to hang out, have a good time, express themselves, talk about misinterpretations, get support and advice, do exciting things… I don’t know….anything, except be surrogate parent for someone to blindly react to.

Persistence

Persistence

All my notes are overwhelming me… and possibly you if you care to read all my fluff… but since I’m working on my writing skills I figure I may as well put this one up. What I am trying to say may be somewhat fuzzy, hopefully not too cheesy, but nonetheless I’m practicing writing out my theoretical ideas in hopes that one day they will all come together and form something clear.

On persistence
It is more beneficial to go for what you want or dream of not only for the sake of getting it, but for clearing the way for new desires to fill its place and build upon the last. I could spend ten years wanting one thing, but if I simply persist in getting it this year, I’ve cleared the way for, well, at least nine more ‘wants’ to be fulfilled. I say, don’t waste time dreaming for what you want, be persistent. Get it, every time, so that you are finally free to go one more step beyond it.