You feel confident when in certain situations, but when specific people are around you feel the need to compete for the friendship. Your “friend” encourages this by naturally not making social concessions/offering agreed upon reassurance towards you. When confronted your friend acts like they didn’t notice because they do it on purpose as their way of controlling you. Confused you assume it is just in your mind, so you try to ignore it. It happens again when the “better” friend is around.
Suddenly you realize that there is a hierarchy and the needs of the friends higher on the list are met before yours. Often the needs of higher friends is that your “friend” be cold to their lower friends. This modern day Machiavellianism is how friends exert dominance other each other for their own negative, controlling self indulgence.
Usually when I come across someone who holds a place in my mind, a whole wealth of memories flood into my mind screen. They just keep flashing and reminding me of all the different attitudes towards the person I have taken.
I imagine the same thing about me is going off in their head. Suddenly I find that the conversation has overtones of previously unspoken attitudes. “Does he really realize that I didn’t like him way back then?” I ask myself because all of a sudden the topics of choice all have a common theme. We are all of a sudden talking about people we’ve both lately come across people from the past that we didn’t like.
“Odd how the conversation went in this direction,” I continue thinking to myself, feeling a little exposed. It continues to the point where we discover how we actually have the same reasoning and methodology for not liking general people.
I find it strange talking to people who I don’t like about the details of not liking people. It is kind of a mind trip, but the situation goes on and now we have actually found something in common. The confusion sets in because now, I have something in common with a person I don’t like… does that mean that I kinda do like his personality after all? I don’t know, but I’m definitely intrigued.
The difficulty in assessing the correct answer to the question: “What the Hell Happened?” is that most of the time I am still inside the situation when I start asking that question.
It isn’t until the situation dies down, to a practically non-existant level, that I can look back and see the starting line more clearly, then I realize where it all went awkward. In hindsight, my first clue to most ackward interactions with people was in fact the first real interaction of the era. Relationships (of any kind or magnitude) have eras, each of which have distinct characteristcs and levels of involvement which can and often do fluctuate.
So the awkwardness usually starts at the beginning of pivotal points, either when first realizing that the human body presenting itself to me actually is more than a typical drone/robot, when starting to hang out with someone again after a long period of not hanging out with that person, or when moving from acquaintance to friend. Anyways, in two cases, I have to admit, I honestly loved the awkwardness of it. I think it is fun and flirty. The real spark of this writing situation, however, just plain sucked because it was set up vaguely from the start and remained that way the entire time. I was confused. In wondering why everything was so vague, I realized that it was me in the first place who kept playing along despite the fact that I can’t handle vagueness with people. My brain fills in the gaps with a bunch of paranoid crap that makes me delete phone numbers because I have no way of ever knowing if I will ever actually get to know certain people who keep appearing in my life. Perhaps a post on “timing” or “people who don’t talk but still want to communicate” would be more appropriate.
Oh well, the sun is already coming up in another world, I’m sure it won’t take long to find out what is weird about this one. There is always something weird, one must just be patient and wait for it to manifest and then choose whether or not the person is worth the weirdness and if I am capable of living with their issues.
Girl: I’m bored, tell me a story.
Boy: Once upon a time I got a sunburn aaaand a midnight craving for fruity pebbles.
Girl: I got a sunburn too… it feels awesome! But that can’t be the whole story
Boy: And now I’m trying to alleviate the burn by soaking in an Epsom salt bath….
Girl: Exciting times I see…
Boy: I need a little inspiration
Girl: Come on, you’re the one in the entertainment industry! You’re supposed to, ya know, entertain me.
Boy: Yes, now if I start entertaining you from the tub that represents a whole other side of the industry.
Girl: Is that salt stuff bubbly?
Boy: Bubbly if you make it right
Girl: Fizzy? Scented? Did you light candles for yourself? What about mood music?
Boy: I sing, does that count?
Girl: eh…a few points, how long are you spending in your romantic bath tub?
Boy: why until the candles burn out of course
Girl: the sun burn can’t be that bad
Boy: True but the bath is nice… and the company isn’t too bad.
Girl: How many people are in there with you? Now I want to take a bath, but I’m more of an oatmeal bath kinda girl.
Boy: Ha, just me and the phone. Don’t be shy hop in if you wanna take one.
Girl: Alright, in I go! You’re right, it is kinda bubbly, I even brought my bath crayons to draw on the walls with.
Boy: I didn’t know they even had those
Girl: Perfect for tic tac toe, or hangman, or drawing on your face. Green eye brows really suit you.
Boy: Please, like I’d even let you start playing with crayons
Girl: Naw, you’d hog them all
Boy: Especially the green one
Girl: I could always swindle a trade for it.
Boy: Ah but I’m holding all the crayons, so what’ve you got to trade for?
Girl: Fine, I’ll get out of the tub
Boy: How Come?
Girl: Give me the blue and red and yellow and I’ll stay
Boy: No, you can’t just give up and earn three cool colors, I’ll give you white, brown, and yellow to sit back down and stop trying to leave.
Girl: I’m not even worth one cool color? Okay I’ll take them, but move over you’re taking up all the space.
Girl: Ha, Ha I stole the blue
Boy: Well squeeze in, get friendly and jokes on you. That’s just a fake plastic one.
Girl: Bastrad you’re right!! But how and I going to draw the sky without the blue one? ☹
Boy: Gotta make a trade
Girl: How about…hmmmmm.. I’ve got nothing, can I just borrow it and I’ll give it back with interest?
Boy: Don’t sell yourself short, you’ve got plenty to offer!
Girl: alright, I’ll trade the blue for my necklace…
Girl: but its an emerald!
Boy: Pass, what else ya got?
Girl: A beauty mark on my butt crack….
Boy: Which I noticed as you got in and its nice but that’s not really something you can trade
Girl: Damn it, how about this yellow floating duck?
Boy: Already mine
Girl: Liar! Fine, I don’t want the blue anymore. I’ll just use the white to draw the night sky with all the constellations because I’ve been hiding the black crayon!
Girl: Call it what you want… I’m busy drawing Taurus….
Boy: That’s me!
Girl: You’re not the only one! Can’t hog everything to yourself!
Boy: Guess you didn’t really want the blue…
Girl: Well I’m going to have to draw the sunrise eventually… please may I have it? For a kiss on the cheek?
Boy: It’ll cost you a bit more than that
Girl: What?!?!? That’s a good offer for one color!
Boy: For blue? Better pucker up and make it a good one!
Girl: Okay, but I get the crayon first. I have to make sure you’re not giving me another fake!
Boy: You can put your hand on it, but I still keep a good grip until the deal is done…simultaneous exchange
Girl: Well it feels like a real crayon, okay. MUAH! Hey! I didn’t agree to any tongue action! For that, I get blue and red!
Boy: Blue and red what?
Girl: Crayons! Don’t act like you don’t know, cause you do!
Boy: I forgot about all those things… and we never discussed the duration of the kiss.
Girl: That one wasn’t enough?
Boy: Fantastic but now I’m hooked…better run for it if you know what’s good for ya….
Girl: Yeah I was going to tell you the same thing.
Boy: HMMM I’m not scared, see I told you the bath company was good.
Girl: You will be… thanks for the red, I’ll give you a better kiss for the green….deal?
Boy: Done. I’m too easy
Girl: Yes! I’ve got them all!!!
Boy: The End. Good Story?
Girl: Yes, Thank you! You might want to get out of the bath, its freezing!
Often when I come across someone who holds a place in my mind, a whole wealth of memories flood into my mind screen. They just keep flashing and reminding me of all the different attitudes towards the person I have taken. I imagine the same thing about me is going off in their head. Suddenly I find that the conversation has overtones of previously unspoken attitudes. “Does he really realize that I didn’t like him?” I ask myself because all of a sudden the topics of choice all have a common theme. We are all of a sudden talking about people we’ve come across lately that we didn’t like. “Odd how the conversation went in this direction,” I continue thinking to myself, feeling a little exposed. It continues to the point where we discover how we actually have the same reasoning and methodology for not liking general people. I find it strange talking to people I don’t like about people I don’t like. It is kind of a mind trip, but the situation goes on and now we have actually found something in common. The confusion sets in because now, I have something in common with a person I don’t like… does that mean that I kinda do like his personality after all? I don’t know, but I’m definitely intrigued.