Category Archives: Fun

The Evolution of Spending Time

The Evolution of Spending Time

There I was sitting in Victoria Park in Sydney with my Saturday friend. We were sitting on the hill just above the city pool intermittently people watching as he taught me how to read tarot cards. We had been in the habit of hanging out every Saturday, just killing time either at the park, the mall, just walking the streets, or watching cool concept movies at my place.

Conversation, as usual, was flowing smoothly and lead down fascinating roads, but in the back of my mind I was thinking about something else. I was thinking about how I often spent time with people because another person, who I was hoping to spend time with, was busy or didn’t want to spend time with me. Seems to be a reoccurring predicament, one that keeps me from fully enjoying the present because I still was halfway pulled away by some other longing for something that was completely out of my grasp.

In this case something different happened, my Saturday friend has now become someone I wish I could spend time with, not because he does not want to spend time with me, but just simply because of distance and I’m okay with that reason.

On Trying New Things

On Trying New Things

Expectations can be rather confusing once one asks: where do they come from? Ideas. Sometimes created by you, other times from external sources. To try to never expect something from someone or a certain situation is rather difficult, for example, when some one asks me to participate in something, I am naturally going to inquire about the details of the situation. From there I formulate an expectation of what I am getting myself into for preparation purposes. Sometimes I am happy with the outcome, sometimes I am not…it is difficult to figure out exactly why.

Some people are more accurate in projecting my level of enjoyment in events, other people (I have learned through trial and too much error) to just never join them.  That’s why I am trying new things: to see if I like it or not.

Sometimes I don’t realize that I’ve been trying new things again. New things just pop up and lately happen to randomly happen within a small amount of time. I don’t realize until after the fact that I have tried three new things and the reason I’m confused over my experiences of them is that I happen to try three new things in a row that I didn’t enjoy very much. I didn’t really realize the trend I was on. So, essentially, I need to keep trying new things until I find some new things that do leave me feeling cheery. I have this habit of sticking to the plan, and sometimes when the plan doesn’t happen, I only make it worse by trying to figure out why the plan didn’t happen. When in reality, there was no plan, just an idea that would have been better to take with a teaspoon of salt.

In Love with the Idea of Someone

In Love with the Idea of Someone

I think my habit of falling in love with the idea of things isn’t helping. Well it does help because it allows me to construct an ideal picture to guide my path, but the planning and discovering of what elements would be perfect to put in my situation distracts me from other things. Gosh, I’m trying to say that I shouldn’t fall so in love with ideas, yet all my support to that statement points to “I love falling in love with ideas.” sigh… I just love it so I’m just going to keep doing it. There is no rational way of saying that I shouldn’t dream so much, because dreaming has in fact proven to be the catalyst of all my travels.

But it poses a problem when I am not sure whether I love someone, or just love the thought of them. It is a tricky way of thinking about people. Because whatever data I have gathered is filtered through my brain and my dreams are end products that I use to see if I’m on the right track. If too much negativity manifests in my mind at the thought of you, then I take that as a sign that this isn’t working. If I get a positive reading, then we’re good.

Data selection is key here because when I have a good reading and I’m really enjoying the thoughts someone provokes, I tend not to want to hear anything that will spoil my inner fun. So if I think I need to gather more fuel for my fire (i.e. information), I will still chose to find positive things to outweigh any negatives I happen to run across in the process.

Love is strange in that it has a built in component that makes me refuse to find reason not to love someone.

Anyways, I do not see that it is a bad thing if someone is in love with the idea of a person; however, if that is the only thing about them that makes you love them, then you’re not really in love with them at all. You’re in love with the parts of them you can create. So this Pygmalion effect essentially is misdiagnosed as love, probably because of the euphoria and sense of completeness that is only attainable in my mind…

Work

Work

The eulogists of work Behind the glorification of ‘work’ and the tireless talk of the ‘blessings of work’ I find the same thought as behind the praise of impersonal activity for the public benefit: the fear of everything individual. At bottom, one now feels when confronted with work- and what is invariably meant is relentless industry from early till late- that such work is the best policy, that it keeps everybody in harness and powerfully obstructs the development of reason of covetousness [this means: inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy.] of the desire for independence. For it uses up a tremendous amount of nervous energy and takes it away from reflection, brooding, dreaming, worry, love, and hatred; it always sets a small goal before one’s eyes and permits easy and regular satisfactions. In that way a society in which the members continually work hard will have more security: and security is now adored as the supreme goddess. And now – horrors!- it is preciously the “worker” who has become dangerous. ‘Dangerous individuals are swarming all around.’ And behind them, the danger of dangers: the individual.” -Nietzsche

In “life as viewed by Me” I continuously make the mistake of assuming people know what I know, or at least can relate to where I’ve learned what I know, which is true in many many respects but not all, and most importantly not always the issues i view as important.

On a typical day I, luckily, drive traffic free to the office, arriving within 3 to 8 minutes late (I’m never quite sure because all my clocks show different times. I do this to trick myself into thinking I am late when I really am not, so then I will be closer to on-time, but the real effect is that I’ve made myself confused as to what time it really is and therefore give up trying to figure out the time…anyways…) Once arriving at work I grab some tea or coffee then start working on the task at hand.

Essentially something needs to be done, pieces need to be organized and processed into a usable and efficient package. Accomplishing this small goal is much the same regardless of what the job is. First I scan the chaos of raw material to pick out the most obvious parts to start with. Using my tools I process the raw materials and after X amount of time have transformed them relevant to the blueprints of what I was instructed should be the finished product.

The repetition of this robot process leads me to grasp to any distraction which provides and excuse for temporary relief of the monotony. My grumbling belly, chance for conversation with my neighbor, the beep of a text message, all these I either welcome the chance and opportunity to tend to or I make a mental note that nature is calling and I must give into the interruption sometime in the near future.

The hour for lunch is my time to indulge in myself, to read and daydream about how I would react if life were this other way or that, or if so and so was here, or what is really going on. I love to spend it alone with my books and only rarely do I find someone else worthy enough to spend this time with.

I leave work at exactly the minute I am allowed to depart and I drive home in a daze, carefully sucking in the life that has been ignored and put on a shelf for the last 10 hours.

“A traveler who has seen many countries and peoples and several continents was asked what human traits he had found everywhere; and he answered: men are inclined to laziness. Some will feel that he might have said with greater justice: they are all timorous [this means: subject to fear; timid]. They hide behind customs and opinions. At bottom, every human being knows very well that he is in the world just once, as something unique, and that no accident, however strange, will throw together a second time into a unity such a curious and diffuse plurality: he knows it, but hides it like a bad conscious – why? From fear of his neighbor who insists on convention and veils himself with it. But what is it that compels the individual human being to fear his neighbor, to think and act herd-fashion, and not to be glad of himself? A sense of shame, perhaps, in a few rare cases. In the vast majority it is the desire for comfort, inertia – in short, that inclination to laziness of which the traveler spoke. He is right: men are even lazier than they are timorous, and what they fear most is the troubles with which any unconditional honestly and nudity would burden them. ” Nietzsche

Wandering Around Aimlessly

Wandering Around Aimlessly

Day time in Sydney can be so boring without a job since everyone is working! So I’ve found/remembered/thought of some ideas to pass the time:

Eat lychee Hi-Chew

Make up stories about people who are passing by

Find people who look like people I know

Follow blue-eyed guys with sexy walks around Darling Harbour and imagine what it would be like to take them home with me

Rent a car and cruise, though I forgot to get a map so I’m so far limited to roads I already know

Call all my friends even though I have called them 10 times already and they haven’t answered, luckily a few have stalked me before so for us stalking is a sign of love and appreciation… as for everyone else, whoopps….

Chuckle to myself at some of the 80s clothing that people wear around this town

Try not to laugh out loud while walking down the street alone

Lay out on the beach…

Imagine how my life would be different if some events had or had not happened

Sort though my day dreams

Read philosophy books and get wowed by these many interesting ways of looking at the same thing

Scheme about my future and try to figure out how to get some key ‘wants’ into it…. then get frustrated because much of it is out of my control, or if it is in my control, I seem to have messed it up by just being myself… then relax because it is better to be myself and perhaps I didn’t mess anything up. Then remind myself that what will happen, will happen, hopefully my way!

Try to live in the present after the long debacle above.

Okay I’m gonna go cruising again. Bye bye!