Category Archives: Solving Problems

Still Wearing the Mask of Who You Wish You Could Be

Still Wearing the Mask of Who You Wish You Could Be

But you’re not that person, not yet anyway. The thing with masks is that they can only be worn for so long and only really work when no emotions are being invested in the circumstance…. in my experience anyway.

Emotions are tricky, don’t believe for a second that they won’t change your mind for you or pull the wool over your eyes. Bodies have a way of getting what they want and your mind is only a function of how it achieves that.

So don’t fight it. The emotions involved will pull through and only damage your credibility if you are trying to hide them, how? Act overly friendly…. then suddenly…silence? Doing nothing is just as much communication as saying something.

That doesn’t work to solve any part of the situation…but it will keep the hole in you wide open, giving you that constant something to fight for and with, which, you have dug so deep that it would take creating a whole new you all over again to fill it and you are too lazy to cause that kind of conflict, why? Because you went and jumped right back into what you spent so much time and energy getting away from. “This time it will be different, this life is different, more agreeable”… no. You have only changed the object, you… you’ve just created an illusion for yourself to live in and in that illusion you can at least have what you are missing. So why fight it? Why use extremes in an attempt to manipulate the outside world when they can be seen through, you’re only making it worse for yourself.

There is no reason to keep it all pent up. it doesn’t matter how you feel or what you are thinking as long as you express it in some way to the only person with whom it matters to. You can express it to a total stranger and you’ll get your quick fix…. or jump beyond it.

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

True, I am one to often believe that wenching and complaining is quite necessary and a good way of simply expressing frustration over issues beyond ones control. But honestly, I can’t listen to the same stuff every occurrence. How is it possible that people forgot how to grow? No, Once you hit 21 you’re not necessarily set in your ways, you do not have to be the way you are forever, unless, of course, you are lazy or just in need of habits to use as a source of identity and a feeling of value for oneself.

I met a guy in Australia, old guy, name is John; I loved walking by my local pub and sitting down for a beer and a chat with John under the heat lamps. Like most guys, John had other women, same as me, who stopped by for a beer and a chat with him. I didn’t mind that I was just one of many, I felt honored actually. You see, John wanted to be known as: “John, you know, the guy always sitting out, drinking a beer at the Quarrymans Hotel.” That was John sole purpose… to be ‘that’ guy out side of a pub the the locals knew about and would remember (Keep in mind this was Sydney, not BFE).

I bring up this story because it has to do with controlling which niches one places oneself in. Being a creature of intense habit, I can detect- all to well- when someone needs a new habit adjustment, including myself. There comes that point when one is still playing the old program simply for the sake of being in the habit of filling a redundant scene in ones life with something and not getting anywhere, because ‘I just don’t know what else to do with myself.’ I.E. Holidays, yawning in conversations when you’re not tired, constantly making your life difficult so you don’t have to focus on other things, (insert annoying habit here), etc………

From this point one can go in basically two directions:
1. Don’t let on that the habit was ever there and change it so subtlety that no one notices until the change has fully been made, and then act as though the new part of you was there all the time, you just pulled it out of your sleeve all breezy-like. Brilliant. Wow. Stand up and clap for yourself.
2. Make a big deal out of your change and tell the whole world how you’ve wasted so much time and now these are all the things you’re gonna do and all the things you’re gonna accomplish. Not my style because it is only brilliant if you actually pull it off… and if you take this approach… I (or someone else) will steal your ideas (if I like them) and pull them off before you just to see if I can or steal the glory. As the Godfather said: “Trust people, but also be wary of them. Don’t let them know what you are thinking too much.”

Where does wenching fit into all of this? Wenching is one thing ones does when one is aware of a habit, but fears not being able to pull off a remedy for this little hole you’ve dug yourself. That is why I prefer option 1, from above, given a choice, because I have an annoying habit of fearing failure and don’t like others to see where I’ve failed- assuming they know what constitutes failure to me. Avoiding option 2 to also avoids compound failure and constant changing of plans, which makes one look weak and a bit delusional.

Most importantly, redundant wenching also is a result of hoping others will clean up your messes for you. This lazy luxury is not only for people who believe they are superior to the problem at hand and so feel they have the ‘right’ to wench about it, but also the ability to make it someone else’s problem. Tact, in this case, is definitely something that should be taught better on TV. Or maybe it is just me who has a hard time handling people swimming though dirty laundry while trying to have a conversation…. heaven forbid a tide come in.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love

“At every moment of my life there open before me divers possibilities: I can do this or that. If I do this, I shall be A the moment after; if I do that, I shall be B. At the present moment the reader may stop reading me or may go on. And, however slight the importance of this article, according as he does the one or the other, the reader will be A or will be B…If the reader has resolved now to go on reading into the next moment, it will be, in the last instance, because doing this is what is most in accordance with the general program he has mapped out for his life, and hence with the man of determination he has resolved to be.” – Ortega

I sense that people put too much of their own well-being on the shoulders of others. We forget at times that the people in our lives are just that, people. They are living their own lives while expressing their compounded experience as it has affected them and just as prone to mishap and misunderstanding as anyone else.

Our social structure is lacking (there is much more to real life than what the TV has conditioned you to notice and react to). It is no ones fault. If we continue to place the burden of our own happiness on people’s reactions to us, we will most certainly be let down in some way, at some time. Why? Because there is no ‘supposed to,’ no one is supposed to do anything. Actions have to come from within and once a person is placed in a situation to ‘act’ on what is expected, disappointment will result either within the person who masks himself by conforming or in the social sphere that made the action a requirement for acceptance.

Then there comes blame. Should a friend not comply with the group standards he is blamed, most horridly, behind his back by those he once thought to be the best of friends. They aren’t the best of friends, if they were, they would sit down and work out with him what has caused this confusion, instead they sit in a circle with uppity fire behind their eyes, taking turns to spill out the green ooze of turning ones back on a close friend by each, in turn, sharing from their ‘oh so high and mighty points of view’ (keep in mind these are his condemners here, who believe that their methods and approached to life are by far the best!) why and how he has let them down. Are people so bored and pathetic that they must pick at living aspects of their surroundings for their entertainment and emotional highs?

How does this make sense? How can someone live up to expectations that you put on them? Expectations that you require as entry into your world, that are based on your own experiences… not his! Had you not expected those things of him, perhaps you would not have been let down and perhaps you would actually see all the times he was there for you. Who was there during all those times you just wanted someone to talk to, to listen to you, or to hang out with? Who was it that you drank with and laughed with and made memories with? Who was it? and now you sit there building your bonds of hatred against someone who has done nothing wrong, but simply been himself. Perhaps, if something went astray, he actually needs you to be there for him this time…and all you’ve done is just….talk….shiiit….

“Behind the bitterness…is concealed the belief that harmony will be reestablished of itself once evil has been ejected. [The] task therefore is purely negative: there is no question of building a society but only of purifying the one that exists.” – Sartre

Constantly Creating New Things to Look Forward to…

Constantly Creating New Things to Look Forward to…

I’ve been shooting magic arrows at falling stars for weeks now, and no matter how many stars I hit in this brainstorm, I have yet to actually climb up and bring my, so-called, great ideas down to earth where they may actually prove useful.

For a time in my life where so much possibility exists I am really having a hard time pushing myself to get started onto something next. I have plenty of ideas, heaps of them to keep me looking forward, but just no real drive to act on them. I never thought I’d say it, but going to bed at 4 am and sleeping till noon or 1 pm really does nothing to motivate me into action.

Lately, by the time I get out of bed and piddle around with the idea of taking action, the sun is setting, leaving me to a world of endless night which encompasses a world of endless dreaming. So, whenever I end up going back home (I’m in Phoenix for a few days) I’m going to kick my own arse into shape and do more than eat, sleep, and go to yoga. I’m going to make myself a list of things to get done each day and actually cross off everything on the list, simply for the sake of completing something: the list.

Stability

Stability

I have diagnosed a very simple reason for a very big cause of misery in life, which my be obvious to others, but since I tend to be completely oblivous to myself, I have just figured out my issue.

It isn’t that I expect the world to be stable and reliable, it is just that I was so accustomed to it being so. In my, more or less, predictable upbringing there really weren’t any sudden tragedies. Nope, not too many in comparison to those of the people I have met and those I enjoy having as friends. By the time some tragic situations hit me I was pretty much old enough to not be so affected by the ‘mystery’ of trauma and drama that affect children in a much different way than more adult-like persons such as I found myself at the time. The elderly, as well as those who were once our puppies, pass on, friends and lovers pop in and out of my bubble of existence (some in more dramatic ways than others), parents get ill and recover, etc. Other items of my life that would be labeled as unstable (many of which seem minor or rediculous to outsiders) have always been unstable and thus I find stability in those particular unstable cases, well, they are actually more stable, or at least reasonably so, in comparison to my life as it has been in Sydney and those times closely before.

My ‘baseline,’ that fortune has drawn for me, of what is stable and what is not, is the cause of some misery mentioned above. I have wasted countless hours recently lost with the most perplexed, twisted eyed look on my face over why my life doesn’t work out so smoothly as suggested by people, plans, travel itineraries, etc. Still I’m a bit wide eyed at where the epicenter of these mental and emotional earthquakes is seemingly located. Had I realized this sooner I could have been well past the point of needing to type this out and probably getting myself involved in something else that I wil probably only fully understand after the fact. At least if that were the case I’d be one step ahead of now, sooner, making my present more productive and even possibly more fun.

But moving forward, I’m suggesting that if I continue to rely on my external reality, like I was accustomed to for 24 years, I will become increasingly more unstable. I feel as though I’ve let too much of my emotions to be triggered and validated by the outside world, and it seems to be a rather big mistake that I increasingly keep making.

Realizing this, I’m not sure what to do. ‘ Trial and error’ still seems the way to effectively accept and reject the external pieces in life, but the ‘error’ part has to be the most disheartening aspect that I really don’t want to face anymore, or, at least, I need a break from. How many errors are the limit before I should throw my hands up and say ‘I’m done!’? How much instability and broken suggestions is cause for rejection? And what do I do when I have accepted something that fortune & fate is pulling away from me? I just think it is sad to find something so special and matching of my inner world and not be able to take it along with me in my travels.

Hopefuly more to come on patients, tolerance, and indecisiveness