It is sad that us 30 somethings are leading no different of a trajectory then our parents. Sad because that wasn’t the plan. We didn’t plan to live blue collar jobs where 50 cent raises every year were a luxury. We planned to make bank. Instead of getting jobs at stable companies out of high school or after our AA degrees, we went full out and got through grad school. To make what? An inflation adjust equivalent of your parent’s 1980’s wages plus a student loan. Without what? a house and a family.
Seriously, my parents had a family young because they could afford one. They had the means to make it happen. My generation had them either by accident (trust me not a single one of my “smart” friends from high school has had a child out of wedlock because we studied the shit out of birth control) or planned without an infusion from inheritance.
I set out to beat debt. I wasn’t going to live like everyone else either racking up credit cards or using their house as an ATM. But it doesn’t work. The possibilities are too abundant and salaries have declined. Everywhere I turn are people trying to over charge for the most simplest of items. $3.00 for a kitchen sponge where I can get 10 for $2.00 elsewhere. Simple everyday things that suck the life out of me. These things add up, and marketers know that. I feel taken advantaged of. Employers know we need money so they hold it against us. This world is evil. We really are in hell, our own reincarnated level of hell. I’ve known this since I was a child and I see it to be true because happiness is only temporary. We are given what we get for no understandable purpose. the fact that it is not comprehensible or apparent that we know why we are here and playing in this specific position suggests that that is why we are here. The unknowns are the key. The unknowns are our reason for reincarnation or whatever you want to call it. We are tortured by the ones better off than us just as much as the less fortunate. We can not achieve higher and fear a fall further from grace.
Be not afraid is a mis nomer. Be afraid. So afraid that you chose to help create heaven on earth. Don’t worry about standing up to the politicians, go beyond them. Create heaven on earth, don’t wait for the after life. Make the after life heaven when you get there too. Clean up hell. Don’t yield to the intimation of the under world. Don’t go weak in the knees and embrace your own mortality. Merge heaven and earth. Bring them as one and no one will suffer. No one will be left starving or maddened by ignorance and illness.
Make life a better place in all realms and dimensions. Bring the gods in harmony, let the angels sing and the fairies unite. This place is only evil as much as we let evil in. Merge the worlds and summon the spirits to pull it all together for endless mirth and merriment. Only then will this abomination of disparity cease to exist.
This world is highly evolved, I’m still amazed by the existence of the clock. I think it is funny that one day someone looked up and realized that time exists and we can track it. I think it is even more funny that people write about different worlds because seriously this place exists and has a history (proof of which is given in the existence of a clock) so other places must exist too, right? What I don’t understand is why this idea of other worlds became embedded into everyday life; here is my guess for how it got started:
I think that once everyone realized the odd existence of this world and postulated other worlds, the idea sparked the dawn of a new industry. Everywhere people started preaching of what they thought other worlds would look like. Since technology didn’t exist back then, there was no way to answer the question of “But how do we get to these other worlds?” So the smartest preachers said “You get to them when you die!” “When we die?” shrieked everyone in the crowds.
The farmer preacher said “yes! but only if you plough my field really well for your whole life, will you be able to get there.”
And the Doctor preacher said, “Only if you maintain your health and the health of your family will you get to see the best of the other worlds.”
And the evil preacher said, “only if you give into temptation, will I let you have power in the other worlds.”
And the scientist preacher said, “If we can build a space ship together, we can fly past the stars and take a super nova wormhole to travel to other worlds.”
By this point the idea of other worlds had become so prevalent in the society of humans on earth that no one dared question it. Over time certain preachers gained larger followings than others and we able to wield power over larger and larger groups of people.
It just makes sense to me to stay living for the real world… the one we know exists, then figure out the other worlds when we get there. But maybe that’s just how I travel.
So I have learned… but in a different way. It is no longer about the basics, it is about how all the layers and remembrances come together to make all the cogs and pulleys of my current situation roll together to keep the machine of life running smooth enough to enjoy every minute of it. For a while there it was difficult to know what from the past I would need to utilize going forward, but once the pieces fell into place, suddenly it all seemed so clear. Clear enough that I am confident that I can coast along in my boat knowing that I will reap rewards once I arrive at my next cross road.
I need cross roads, perhaps more often than other people do. They make me feel alive because of all the different emotions and experiences that drive and challenge me towards completion of goals. I am forced to create goals by my drive to constantly having something to look forward to.
I get nervous when people start heavily interrogating me about my point of view or what I want in life. Sure in an interview these are questions I can answer fairly solidly (or at least I think so because I’ve been hired), but just in everyday life from friends or coworkers I get really paranoid.
I begin to wonder “Why are they asking me this?” or “What difference does it make?” My difficulty with such questions is that people tend to use my answers to forecast some future event and they forget that life doesn’t pass exactly as planned and that perhaps events in the future may inhibit something I have planned from happening.
I think people get fixated on needing to know about the part of their future that revolves around me because of some difficulty in coping with how uncertain life can be. Anyway I am hesitant to even answer some questions. Especially questions about what I want in the future. How can you receive answers to that type of question seriously? Sure I may want “A” at the moment, but that is because I have no idea that “B” will happen and make me want “C” more than “A.”
Do you see that there is no good answer to questions about the future? Life works like this: You have elements in life such as skills, knowledge, connections, past times, assets, etc. At any given point in time you have a finite amount of life elements at your disposal, therefore you will make decisions based on the present elements as a way of heading toward desired elements. But those desired elements, which you hope to have in your future, do not exist in your life now, and may never exist exactly as you postulate because you are only creating an idea about future life-elements based on the present elements you have in life.
You don’t know what else you are going to encounter that may make you change your plans and neither do your friends. So in trying to answering people’s questions about the future, you leave out the unknown, because that is what people want to hear. “Based on what I know now….I will probably do…blah blah blah.” Nod and smile and change the subject….
Then as time passes, you just go with the flow and perfect the art of collecting elements that complement who you want to be.
I watched a documentary about dreams recently and it got me thinking that perhaps my brain has a love affair with dreaming. I’m often not fully paying attention when I’m awake because my thoughts gravitate to more interesting scenarios which may or may not be actually happening… in other words often my dream world is far more interesting to me than real life. This accounts for much of my behavior like my so called “spaciness” and wanting to be alone so often (I can follow my own train of thought without having to explain it to anyone as well as not have to follow their social rules in the process).
So that is a practical explanation for why I continue to be lost in a daze much of the day. But I am thinking that from a more physical assumption, perhaps I am not fully awake. Like, I am thinking that if our brains have certain genetically programed patterns of sleep that cause dreaming (this specific documentary said that REM sleep is for practicing and preparing for future situations based on data it processed during non-REM sleep) then if I am not fully waking up then my daydreams are running in similar patterns to night dreams. Then anxiety about a made up situation that isn’t a real life danger, would be the day time equivalent of a nightmare.
From this prospective, I can see why people have a difficult time being in a good mood when they worry about stuff that actually will never happen to them. If you can’t always wake yourself up from a nightmare because you think it is really happening, how are you going to wake yourself up from fear…especially when you are convinced that you’ve got to prepare yourself to face this fear?
I think it will help to remind yourself that in your waking life you’ve not always as awake as you think you are.
I’ve been shooting magic arrows at falling stars for weeks now, and no matter how many stars I hit in this brainstorm, I have yet to actually climb up and bring my, so-called, great ideas down to earth where they may actually prove useful.
For a time in my life where so much possibility exists I am really having a hard time pushing myself to get started onto something next. I have plenty of ideas, heaps of them to keep me looking forward, but just no real drive to act on them. I never thought I’d say it, but going to bed at 4 am and sleeping till noon or 1 pm really does nothing to motivate me into action.
Lately, by the time I get out of bed and piddle around with the idea of taking action, the sun is setting, leaving me to a world of endless night which encompasses a world of endless dreaming. So, whenever I end up going back home (I’m in Phoenix for a few days) I’m going to kick my own arse into shape and do more than eat, sleep, and go to yoga. I’m going to make myself a list of things to get done each day and actually cross off everything on the list, simply for the sake of completing something: the list.