Tag Archives: acquaintance

On the Psychological Mirror

On the Psychological Mirror

In trying to differentiate what makes someone attractive or not, I can only come up with one solid reason for why I would choose to spend more time with a person.  (by attractive I mean any type of attribute which naturally [meaning subconsciously] causes me to hangout with somebody [as a friend, acquaintance, boyfriend, etc.)  That one solid attribute is the fact that the image of myself which they project back to me is in line with my own esteem for myself.  Yes, having things in common is a magnet (at least until we exhaust that topic) but it won’t really form any real bond because there are lots of people with whom I share many hobbies so that doesn’t, in itself, make one person stand out.  It can be annoying actually, when people push and push the things we have in common down my throat, like, we may have the topic in common, but our style of talking about it clearly isn’t in common, but that’s another issue.

I think it is much more difficult to project a positive image of a person when there is too much emotion attached to them.  So over time, longer relationships tend to dull out from the accumulated moments of another person projecting back at you a negative view of yourself.  It is the learning exchange.  You’re happy when another person picks up on a fun social game that you play because, well, you like that game and you like that you have someone to play it with.  But once you see how they learned some of your negative habits, the fun is over.  Because you know what they are doing because you taught it to them.  They didn’t throw that psychological ball at you before because most likely they didn’t know it yet or they didn’t know it would work until something you did subconsciously clued them in.

At that point, you’re sitting there watching parts of yourself that you dislike being tossed right back at you with a devious smile and life for those moments doesn’t get any worse.  You sit there, letting your body entertain the bitter body across the table from you while your mind tries to figure out what went wrong.  The situation is so subtle that it isn’t worth being frank about it because it can easily be denied.  But you know for sure you pissed someone off somewhere along the way and this is how they step up to the plate about it.

This is why it is good to give people time.  You need to see if the positive image of yourself they usually reflect is still maintained when they are under stress because of you.

Retracing Back to the Starting Point

Retracing Back to the Starting Point

The difficulty in assessing the correct answer to the question: “What the Hell Happened?” is that most of the time I am still inside the situation when I start asking that question.

It isn’t until the situation dies down, to a practically non-existant level, that I can look back and see the starting line more clearly, then I realize where it all went awkward.  In hindsight, my first clue to most ackward interactions with people was in fact the first real interaction of the era.  Relationships (of any kind or magnitude) have eras, each of which have distinct characteristcs and levels of involvement which can and often do fluctuate.

So the awkwardness usually starts at the beginning of pivotal points, either when first realizing that the human body presenting itself to me actually is more than a typical drone/robot, when starting to hang out with someone again after a long period of not hanging out with that person, or when moving from acquaintance to friend.  Anyways, in two cases, I have to admit, I honestly loved the awkwardness of it.  I think it is fun and flirty.  The real spark of this writing situation, however, just plain sucked because it was set up vaguely from the start and remained that way the entire time.  I was confused.  In wondering why everything was so vague, I realized that it was me in the first place who kept playing along despite the fact that I can’t handle vagueness with people. My brain fills in the gaps with a bunch of paranoid crap that makes me delete phone numbers because I have no way of ever knowing if I will ever actually get to know certain people who keep appearing in my life.  Perhaps a post on “timing” or “people who don’t talk but still want to communicate” would be more appropriate.

Oh well, the sun is already coming up in another world, I’m sure it won’t take long to find out what is weird about this one.  There is always something weird, one must just be patient and wait for it to manifest and then choose whether or not the person is worth the weirdness and if I am capable of living with their issues.

People Who Base Their Opinion of You on What Their Friends Say

People Who Base Their Opinion of You on What Their Friends Say

Most of my friends, I’d say, have cool friends… who I find fun to hang out with and get to know. But a few times in the past I’ve been stuck having to hang out with someone who I don’t particularly enjoy just so I can hang out with my cool friend. When put in that situation all sorts of thoughts run through my head. this included the thought that maybe my friend has horrible taste in people, then I realize that they have chosen me as a friend, so…. what does that say about me if they have horrible taste in friends? Then I realize that some people are just social whores who have a very basic definition of what a friend actually is and therefore have heaps of acquaintances whom they refer to as friends. Since I normally can’t function coherently in diluted relationships I rule out that explanation as well, because, I wouldn’t be there if I felt the relationship was diluted.

The worst though, is when one of those friend of friends points out things about me that they don’t like. All of a sudden my friend sees me through the prospective of their friend who obviously isn’t compatible with me otherwise I wouldn’t dread hanging out with that person. “yeah, you know what.?.?. You’re right, she is like that” my friend says to their friend. The conversation probably continues on as they build together their agreement about me- which serves as a private bond between them from which they are able to read each other’s silent facial expressions, in my presence, confirming their private conclusions about me.

At that point I realize that my friend whore is either not capable of monitoring their own influences or they are willing to find any reason under the sun to relate to their friend more, even that the expense of me. I have seen it both ways. The end result is usually my distance, which I don’t mind at that point because I will do anything not to have to hang out with that friend of my former friend, what a relief!

Another shitty thing is when a friend can only think I am as cool as his friends say I am. You will see this when you meet new friends whose friends have already heard A LOT about you, and I mean A LOT. Like these people can tell you about yourself for 5 drunken minutes. So there you are on your pedestal, freaked out because you’re only that cool to that one person because he fills a specific friend role for you and you tend to treat that archetypal role much different than people you just met at a party. So inevitably, you get a lectured later on what everyone at the party thought of you and/or what you should work on for next time as if you are socially challenged.

So it was my mistake I shouldn’t have subjected myself to these parties because I didn’t go to the party to hang out with THEM, I was there because YOU invited ME and I like hanging out with YOU. So cut me some slack for passing out early because the friend whores at your parties are boring.