Tag Archives: adults

On Friendships

On Friendships

I understand.  One thing I’ve noticed is that I can never form strong relationships with the people who I feel like I’d have a connection with, so I’m stuck hanging out with the more uninteresting people who are more accessible.  I just think that I don’t naturally understand friendship.  As kids we were forced to hang out with people and build bonds, but now as adults we can do our own thing and I find it difficult to merge my “own thing” with someone else’s “own thing”.  Don’t get me wrong though, I am happier now that I do not have any close friends: life is drama-free, time passes smoothly, I’m focused on school, my career, and hobbies without anyone reminding me of my failures whenever I’m celebrating a success.

I never understood why people choose to tell me in person that I need to be more like someone else.  If you prefer someone else, then go hang out with them, because if you think you’re more compatible with a different type of person, the feeling is most likely mutual.  People come and go, and I’ve noticed that if I’m just open to new people I find a real gem of a person to hang out with every year or so.  Sounds few and far between,  I’ve learned to just keep my eyes open and enjoy the few enjoyables while their life is in sync with mine.  In the mean time, I stay out of the personal lives of people I don’t feel a spark for while striving to be a good person.

How You Know a Relationship is Dying part III

How You Know a Relationship is Dying part III

Breaks from past times (school, work, social network, etc.) have an odd way of letting me finally come to terms with many facts that were swirling around in my brain for a long time. I could hypothesize about the timing of these ideas coming together in my mind with a typical “Why now? why not then?” hands in the air type of thing but Timing will have to be saved for another Note.

What gets me is how reality sets in once I look back on situations that I am no longer facing everyday or often. I see how the regurgitation and reprocessing of thoughts definitely causes me to trim the edges of my emotion spectrum, meaning, (in the extreme) if hate and love are at two ends of one spectrum, in time I both hate and love less due to a lack of renewal of once obtained stimulus in the present. With everything relying solely on my past interpretations of thoughts, (which, I am only bringing into the present out of my own need and necessity to reorganize them) the intensity of life in those past situations has no additional fuel from which to burn and thus the fire dwindles. I understand this in myself, I understand my own rates of emotional expansion and contraction because my mind is most certainly at their mercy.

What I don’t understand is other people’s understanding of what has been going on.

The problem with people is that they live on in our psyche and an image of them haunts our natural contemplation over life. Good or Bad, thinking about a person and continuing to react to that person when they are not around is quite creepy to me- now that I think more about it. Because I don’t know who I am to some people, I have no idea where they formed this method of reacting to me but sometimes I wonder if they are reacting to who I am or an image of me that they created in their heads while channel surfing. It is strange that we are all adults but many people cannot responsibly behave and communicate to each other what problems are. Most basic relationship problems are only bad if you make them bad.

I can only hypothesize that this happens because people are not taught to actually identify and solve problems. If one is unable to see how their own behavior contributes to a negative feeling and/or denies their responsibility in the matter then you have…. you have…. you have drama. Exactly the same shit you watch on TV only now, you can live the high life and experience that life for yourself because you are complacent enough to let your real life suffer for the sake of being able to tell your drama-addict friends, “Hey, that same stuff that happened on TV happened to me.”

So not only do people thrive off not solving problems to create more drama, to make it worse, people do no know that they do no know how to solve problems. They don’t see their behavior as a problem because part of drama formation is to be totally confident in one’s own rationale and finally let the person know in an intense arena with an audience as opposed to a more personal atmosphere…essentially they think that the way they saw a similar problem handled on TV is how they should handle this problem in their real lives. Not only do people let others continue to do annoying things…they invite them to do it and keep tabs…. I understand evidence needs to be gathered, of course, but within a justifiable time frame.

Once the tab is big enough, they see it as a time to throw down the gauntlet…. This isn’t problem solving my friends, and it isn’t honest friendship either, this is a manipulative power maneuver. Once that gauntlet gets thrown over an accumulation of past situations specifically where it is way, way obvious that you invited or pushed for a certain reaction out of me……then all I can say is that I’m not going to play this game anymore.

Jumping the Gun Because You Want to Force Yourself to Feel a Feeling

Jumping the Gun Because You Want to Force Yourself to Feel a Feeling

One thing about being an adult is the idea that by now you should know what you are doing. You’ve been exposed to gender, age, role, etc. differences long enough to at least walk around as if you know what is up (or “what is on”… for all my aussies out there) and that you are doing what is in line with what you expect of yourself. There is a plan in front of you with space for additions and alterations so all is in line for you too keep trekking along happily.

Then the typical Spider Man comes outta freakin’ no where, picks you up and drops you off in a place that wasn’t part of your plan, then disappears into the night, the airport, the subway…(this is your story so you fill in those details). No Biggy… you’re, after all, capable of adapting quite well so you alter the plan (because that is why you made it malleable in the first place) and continue trekking.

Then the thought hits you, “There is something about what just happened that I want to explore more. how do I get that to happen again?”

With your eyes pealed you continue to go about your everyday existence and nothing is happening. There is no spark in any of the seemingly, potential spark-like events you’ve encountered. You decide you’ve got to take matters into your own hands and not let any opportunities pass you by. With your cat woman costume (boys pick your own costume) on, you prowl around on this new path you are creating for yourself, then FINALLY, you find something you can work with. Spark!, here it is, lets go! “Where is it gonna take me?”

While riding this wave you realize, “Oh shit, what have I just gotten myself into? Do I really want this right now?” Panicky, you jump off the wave despite the fact that it is still calling you. You desperately try to return to your pre-super hero state, wipe your forehead with a big PHEW and lay low for a while.

All is good until you start thinking about the wave. It wasn’t so bad, what were you so afraid of? It was honestly more exciting than any other 9-5. “Shall I give it another round?” you think, “Yeah why not?” You stand up, go into the phone booth and put your super woman suit on (guys, you take the super man costume for this one).

Just as you walk out of the booth, Batman comes outta freakin’ nowhere and BAM! Punches you in the face, knocking you to the ground as he yells, “AMATEUR!!!” and walks away.

Figuratively, of course.