Tag Archives: anger

Getting Mad at People

Getting Mad at People

Thinking back, the effect of getting angry at people (aside from family members, we have no choice but to work it out) was a sure fire way of putting the breaks on the relationship (though I didn’t really notice this in the moment, it has a few times been the outcome). In the past I was naturally getting mad at things that annoy me, then getting even more pissed off when told that I don’t have to feel that way about the topic…. then getting even more pissed off at the defense of “If you just change how you think about it then you won’t get mad.” There just came a point where I was just masking my anger for the sake of a smooth ride, but I was still mad, I just was trying not to be. Clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. I should always be free to express myself, what makes me mad is part of what makes me. My personality is respectful of not doing things to other people that (in my shoes) would piss me off… so to get frustrated with me for getting mad and not getting frustrated for going out of my way not to piss you off, doesn’t make any sense, they are two expressions of the same internal value.

An annoying thing about rightfully being angry at people is that for the most part they’re trying to explain why I shouldn’t be mad and what I can do differently to not let this situation bother me. I don’t get mad at people often…..so if I am already mad because of some repetitive behavior on their part…. of course I’m going to be more pissed off when you’re asking me not to be mad so you can continue to do whatever you want that affects me.

Since it is rare that I use outright anger to gain power over the situation, when I do use this tactic, it is because of a major problem, here is the deal: you don’t do it, and I won’t be mad. If you make it a game to piss me off because you know what pisses me off…. that’s when the phone stops ringing.

Bipolar Behavior

Bipolar Behavior

The most annoying aspect of an over expression of annoyance or anger is the transition by way of guilt . How one passes from positive to negative emotions I think plays an important part in their behavior towards other people. If I were to get into a positive mood by relaxing, reading, playing golf, etc. and completely moving into a positive mood unrelated to the negative state of mind then the forthcoming actions, when presented with that negative situation, is different than if I convinced myself that I have gone too far and used that realization to further “make up” for my previous over expression of emotion. Thus being able to be overly nice later is not honest because it would not have happened had I not been in a bad mood yesterday. Some people just need to be bitches in order to get to that super nice state of mind they probably wish they could always be in.

In reality, it is best to simply own your bad mood, possibly admit to those who took the brunt of it that you were wrong to get that heated or at least, completely address it to yourself so you can better understand yourself. Then, and this is key, return to homeostasis! Don’t go on a super overly nice spree because it is way, way obvious that your doing it because of yesterday’s behavior and just don’t want to address it by admitting you read way too far into the email for some stupid, emotionally reactive ego protecting reason. Beyond that, you’ll burn yourself out because most probably the people you are now trying really hard to be overly nice to, probably don’t deserve THAT much niceness. Knowing this, you will eventually get bitter and play the game called “Look at how nice I’ve been to you” and end up getting really, really pissed off at nothing once the wick of your Nice candle gets blow out by some common minor annoyance, which, had you been maintaining homeostasis, would have hardly been noticeable.

My Evil Hat

My Evil Hat

I’ve been indulging myself in a somewhat guilty pleasure lately… well not lately… okay once lately, but most in the recent past. So I figured the best way to really get all my anger over my ex boyfriend abandoning me two years ago was to break the silence that I oh so enjoyed imposing upon him and send him all my anger via email (could be worse…. but he was afraid to actually call me once I gave him the okay [insert evil laugh here]).

It felt great, it felt awesome, I so so so wish I had more to get out of my system but then I realized that I’m still telling him how I feel about him. After all when I thought I was in love with him, I told him I love him… so why can’t I tell him that I hate him now that I realize he completely screwed me over?

Same same. no?

I can feel the boys cringe. There is nothing worse than an angry woman… run run run for the hills! He pissed me off and unfortunately he never learned the magic woman-neutralizing actions to make the situation better (well he was told it, but I doubt he was listening…. no he wasn’t listening)

But it is dangerous to really piss me off. I’m one of those people who is so so patient, so so nice and so so there for you….. until…. until…. you hit the button. The BIG button! Which encompasses treating me like a worthless piece of shit FOR NO GOOD REASON! Forget working it out or even acknowledging it, baby. Then feeling hurt because I’m mad at you for abandoning me.

Luckily I no longer give anyone that kinda power over me. I find my walls extremely peaceful because the only dramas are the daydreams I create in my head stories i read in my books, which… are fun and exciting dramas that don’t cost me anything to play out.

On Mixed Emotions and Anger as Unfulfilled Desire

On Mixed Emotions and Anger as Unfulfilled Desire

While listening to ‘The Wind’ by Cat Stevens and organizing the sewing room – which is a huge huge project – I was thinking about my life (as I tend to do every minute I find a distraction that doesn’t require socializing) and following down my internal checklist of ‘happiness with myself’ and making mental notes of how I could have better handled certain past situations that are probably of highly insignificant value to most others, but I try to get detailed in my behavior so as not to confuse others on my intentions, but uh…I can’t seem to manage this, I seem to be running a program in opposition to what I really feel. This ‘program’ of reactions really only happens when a select few emotions are in the dominate forefront of my life. For example, since I’ve been home I have this cloud of anger hovering over me. Sure at times I feel happy or excited or content or any other emotion that isn’t compatible with anger, but that unfulfilled desire, that hole of not getting or being able to grasp what I had set my heart on, bubbles up from time to time and causes me to do all sorts of strange behaviors that are seemingly unconnected to anything in the present moment.

Someone once told me that it is ‘crazy’ to cry at things like an aluminum coke can flying onto the hood of my car on the freeway. After assessing that the damage was barely noticeable, I admit, the tears were perhaps unnecessary, but they were the bubbling up of my ‘fear’ of having to drive a shitty looking car around because, at the time, I, didn’t have enough money to fix it. Now I realize that, no, I’m not crazy, I’m just more emotional about things I care about and spend a lot of effort taking care of. There is nothing wrong with that, I just need to save the tears for more empathetic company, which I was really good at, but I just thought, in this instance, I was safe to display my real emotions. Or perhaps I just wanted to feel safe and more connected by doing so, so I gave it a try.

Now the real issue is, what is wrong with driving a shitty looking car around? That type of thinking escaped me in the moment; my arrogance perhaps needed a bit of a tune down.

So, to sum it up: emotions like fear, anger, happiness, etc. sometimes hold a dominate grasp on different chunks of time in life, get out of control because they are stronger for the time, bubble out, and leave me trying to explain how I have been misunderstood. After-the-fact explaining gets difficult because there tends to be many, many things going on in the mind in split seconds that really have no words, at least not until years later.