Tag Archives: aspects of life

On being allergic to people

On being allergic to people

As social beings, we are naturally inclined to react to other people.  Growing up, we are conditioned on how to behave towards people as well as how to read the basics of communication, yet there is still so much for which our vocabulary is heavily insufficient to explain.  Often people apply all the right rules and following all the social back and forths only to be further away from others than they were when they were strangers.  In all manner of capacity, the cultural social cues should have been enough, but more often than not, they fail us.  In all honesty, human connection is one of the least understood aspects of life, cognitively speaking.  There is no explanation for subtleties affecting why certain people are great friends yet others can’t stand the mere mention of one anothers’ names.  In reality it isn’t the social banter that it important, it is how others make you feel.  There are some of us who are quite sensitive to how other people affect us, meaning our internal reaction to someone’s presence drives whether or not we bother to make contact or continue on with mindless social exercises.  There are many different ways that people make me feel.  Some more pleasant than others.  One feeling in particular is horribly annoying: the allergic reaction.

Like any allergy, it take a few interactions with a person to realize that I am allergic to them.  Once the allergy is full blown, my immune system switches my brain into self preservation mode.  All energy goes into getting as far away from the person as possible.  My vision narrows so that my brain can focus solely on escape routes as well as be unable to make clear eye contact.  My vocal cords tighten to only allow out desperate cries for freedom.  My sinuses tighten so my nervous system can be ready to produce tears in case I really need to show someone how serious I am.  I instinctively want to curl up into a ball by hugging my knees to keep the individual from thinking that I am open to their presence.

I know this is an allergic reaction because once the allergen is gone, I feel relieved that I am able to act normal again.  Like any in any other allergy situation, the best thing for my health is to avoid the allergens, so I do…and guess what?!?!? I’ve been allergy symptom free! 🙂

Unlearning

Unlearning

At some point in time you realize that the ideas and opinions you learned from other people are just other people’s ideas and opinions that you learned from them. You can essentially unlearn them and be no worse off than if you had continued to assume they are the best way of approaching certain aspects of life.

The unlearning process is kinda fun, well, it is once you get over the initial stage of realizing what an idiot you were to actually thinking some ridiculous ways of viewing the world were actually a good idea.

I think the best part of unlearning is confronting the reasons you had in the first place for learning something from specific people. Sometimes I was just forced to put up with a person’s opinions because I wanted to hang out with that person and thus, through repetition, learned to agree with their ideology. Or I just thought the person was so cool and interesting that I just naturally uploaded aspects of them. Regardless, once life alters course some of the information learned from past people isn’t applicable to life anymore, and that is the point where I see faults in preconceived notions. Finding fault in things is definitely a sign that I have grown out of old ideas, otherwise I wouldn’t be aware of how it doesn’t fit into my way of thinking.

It gets funny when I put two and two together and see the bigger picture of why other people formed some of their ideas back then. Often they were out of some sort of rebellion or addiction and the person just happened to be so adamant about their perceived rightness over the subject that there was no real need or reason to question them. The funniest one is the alcoholic explaining why being sober is so unappealing and why people who don’t drink much are boring. But now I just can’t help but laugh because I used to get so bored drinking and being stuck at someone’s house all night. No wonder I would fall asleep early at gatherings…. I was bored and trapped in my drunken state of mind without the ability to safely drive myself to a more exciting location. Then ‘d spend half the next day recovering from a hangover instead of actually getting out and doing something active. I didn’t seek out something better to do because I’d be going away from what my crowd was doing. Now I realize that there are way more productive ways to spend my time that make me feel like I am accomplishing something as opposed to doing what someone else wants to do because I feel like I need to spend time with this person to be their friend. I guess I learned to enjoy hobbies and have yet to find a reason to unlearn that.

Not Being Able to Trust My Own Judgement

Not Being Able to Trust My Own Judgement

There was a time when my lapses in judgment caused me no great harm or worry so I didn’t attribute the cause of my action to lapses in judgment, things just happened as they happened. I usually enjoyed the outcomes of my judgment lapses with the attitude of “I cannot believe that just happened…wow!” Now I feel as though I have too much to lose by acting too strongly on impulse. The funny thing is that I’ve got less to lose than I did before, yet I feel as if it is more. This could be the result of my world being much more narrower now than it has been in the past, so greater weight is given to fewer aspects of life. Do I have a greater sense of responsibility?…. well, no not really, it is just that my choices tend to be only mine to make.

My worry about my judgment calls is causing me to narrow my world to extremely safe bets… if even you can call them bets. I recently realized that bad judgment calls come out of no where; going into them they appear to be perfectly reasonable things to do. Only when something bad happens is the judgment call considered bad. That is the trick, I don’t know how the situation is going to turn out, I can only base my projections on what I have experienced in the past, if I make a projection at all. So for the sake of accomplishing my goals I realize that I need to restrict myself from situations where I have experienced a negative effect of a judgment call. To clarify, I am speaking of extreme situations here from my more wild side. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to continue having heaps of fun, but I am just drawing a temporary line to keep myself on the right track.

Sailing is just so cool.

Compound Stress and What Helps Me Cope With It

Compound Stress and What Helps Me Cope With It

I wrote this little diddy while waiting for my car’s oil service to finish up earlier today:

“I’ve realized that, indeed, there are things that I am stressed about, but in comparison to how many things that I used to be stressed about a few years ago (School, work, goals, money, meeting my ex’s requests, drinking, etc.), I’m practically stress free. Being unable to find a proper job leaves me plenty of time all day to hang out with my friends and family and get things done and organized around the house combine that with not having to manage a relationship (which always took up so much of my ME time before my Australia adventure) and I am allowed to do the things I like and as a result my natural tendency to overload myself and put myself aside is inhibited by this circumstance.

I now focus all that energy from those past stressful happenings to tasks that greatly increase my own contentment and the happiness of others around me (at least as best I can) and so when a stressor (like loosing my Lula Bula so suddenly) pops up, it is not compounded with many other stresses of life so coping with stress is not only clear, but bearable – almost to the point that I feel guilty for not exhibiting the same level of emotionally intense responses that I typically had in the past (when I had a multitude of stressors on my plate). In fact, I shouldn’t feel guilty at all, I should enjoy that I now know what it feels like to face storm rolling through life from a healthy prospective.”

Further to that, I have noticed that many people don’t get to this level of relaxation I feel right now (Yoga 3 times a week could be part of it….). I’ve noticed that a few people I’ve met are in a cycle of reacting to stress instead of managing it. That type of situation causes them to do all sorts of things except fully enjoy themselves. For example, if one seems to have little control over many aspects of life, this can cause long term stress to remain constant to the extent that this stress level is thought to be normal. Knowing no different (I used to be this way) one may try to control the few small aspects of life that one feels are malleable and shape them to personal whims and ideas of how it should be in a perfect world. This is an illusion because you can’t control people and thus the compounding stress gets even worse.

In reality, in some way, that same energy can be used to build oneself into the person one wants to be. That would mean letting a lot of familiar emotions and reliabilities go. Taking such a leap of faith not to mention using a lot of will power can be done in a way that actually nothing is lost except the stress, that is, only if (based on my logic) such a task is approached properly and before one is pushed over one’s burn-out limit.

So I have gone through my nutritional healing book (I’ve been diving into it a lot lately…) to list some stress coping suggestions that work for me and may be able to help anyone who actually reads these notes of mine:

*****Monitor your internal conversations. The way we talk to ourselves has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and our environment.

*****Avoid processed foods and all foods that create stress on the system, such as artificial sweeteners, carbonated soft drinks, chocolate, eggs, fried foods, junk foods, pork, red meat, sugar, chips and similar snack foods.

*****Do not repress or deny your emotions. This only compounds stress. Admit your feelings and accept them. Keeping strong feelings bottled up only causes them to resurfaces later as illness (I suggest thinking about this statement very, very carefully so see what an impact this may have had on you in the past).

*****Don’t be afraid to cry. Learning to cry can help you manage stress. Crying can relieve anxiety and lets loose bottled-up emotions.

*****Try not to take life too seriously. Learn to laugh.

Following the Herd

Following the Herd

Since I’ve had the jolly of living the retired life along with my parents for the past too many months I have really realized how beneficial it is to take time to actually live my life as I would naturally do without all the external stuff stimulating me (job, lots of friends around, obligations, etc.), funny how in an instant I realized that I achieved yet another old goal that I had forgotten about. Something to smile about because now I can fully move on to other things.

Despite so many great books and stories written about people who go off away from their constant numbness of the life they’ve been thus far living, I don’t think people really realize what they are missing by constantly doing what is expected of them. A break from that really has done me well in restoring myself up to a fairly stress free platform, I owe that to the fact that I never got to the point of throwing everything away, I’ve managed to merely step aside briefly and continue on properly without being too haunted…. or if I am haunted by anything, I take pride in knowing that what haunts me is definitely a choice of mine that has allowed the haunting because I can use that haunting in my everyday life, such things drive people to be better people.

Perhaps I’ll move on to something that isn’t so obvious at least not to me at one point in time or another. I enjoy thinking about humans as if they are some other kind of animal… I ask myself, how are we like ants in an ant hill? like schools of fish, like a pack of dogs, like any animal structure really, and lately more so like a herd animal. Nietzsche was the first one who was able to explain this concept to me in a way that I understood the broad idea, not just know about it as one knows a trivia fact, but really understand it to the point of being aware of the aspects of life that are like living in a herd of animals. So what then? okay, I understand the comparison between humans and basic herd animals, what do I do with this new level of understanding how and why people relate to each other?

What I am going to do about something or how am I going to use it is the important part here. ‘Understanding’ is the foundation; to understand for me is to fully live this new understanding, to see it in the most basic aspects of life, like the beach, the mall, my house, etc. From there it is only inside of me and for my enjoyment, but now that I have embraced and felt this new way of looking at the world I cannot help but to express it, not just in a note like this one, but more by using it to solve problems and make things better. It is a systematic thing really, all done in the abstract screen of my mind; I zoom out on a situation and break down its fundamental parts and flaws then analyze its contents separate from each other, only then can I fully understand yet another underlying root in how things work. It is my method for being good things I do. Once you are aware of yourself can you actually apply it to other aspects of life, but those details from me are unnecessary, your life is far more interesting to you than mine is.

I read an interesting trivia fact that the human eye is pretty much blind while in motion, only when it is able to focus can it actually communicate to the brain what is in front of it. Our lives operate much like this. We cannot fully understand what we are doing or have done until we take some time out and mull over the pieces. Someone who is reading this says,” yeah duh, I do that on the weekend or vacations,” but dude, I must tell you that once you realize that you are doing what the rest of the people around you are doing, then you too are sucked in, and of course you like it, no one wants to believe that the system they have spent their whole lives striving for actually has very sick limbs.

Considering the education of the masses is only a few hundred years old, I’d say the most of us are still surfs or slaves only instead of directly beating us, we are ‘made use of’ by the constant usage of a higher power over us. Striving for happiness is how we have trained ourselves to stay in the mindset of slave or surf, work hard and give yourself up for the greater good of your life and you will be rewarded. I’ll win the lottery if I submit to this? brilliant, sign me up. Question to ask youself: are you blind to the fact you are in a herd and blind to the effect of yourself?

One-on-One

One-on-One

In kendo tonight I got to spar off with some of the more advanced students and these people were honestly coming at me with bamboo swords so fast that there was absolutely no time to think about anything else for these 2 or 3 minute sessions. I forgot how nice it is to be able to forget about everything else that is going on in the world except me and the other person. So many other aspects of life are too layered with history, emotions, background noise, third parties, etc… that I forget just just be reacting purely to the one person I’m presented with.

I haven’t been up to much lately, not much socializing, or going anywhere… I’ve pretty much been cooped up in my house for about the past three weeks. Why? Well I’m not always such a social being to be honest and I’m not involved in anything outside of my house that requires my direct attention other than Kendo and yoga and some friends once in a while… so I’m left to analyze the minor happenings I encounter.

I am amazingly equipped to enjoy this solitude, more so than most of people I meet… I’m not sure what predisposes me to this, it isn’t that I dislike people, I just prefer to interact with very few at a time given a choice (outside of work).

This is why I need very few friends, more are always welcome of course, but I have just a few archetypal places in my life for people who I can have that one-on-one time with. My need for that type of relationship with people is what may cause some confusion for some more social people. I honestly don’t understand how someone could constantly have multiple people around them all the time, I get tired and I need to go reset myself to process overly social situations, as if I have to figure out what parts of it actually means something and what was just filler and fluff. So you can imagine my confusion when someone constantly wants to bring other people in on our one-on-one time, I’m very inertial and need some time to adapt to the third, fourth, or fifth parties, I really only signed up for the one-on-one and now my needs aren’t being fulfilled because I have acquainted myself with a human who may potentially not value the one-on-one time as much as I have, or expresses it differently.

I like it being just me and the other person. I like being in the middle of that, playing around with it, making it into new things, but still keeping the structure. I’m weary of outside influences, not all the time, but at times when I’ve got something that I feel very strongly about and don’t want it spoiled. There is some fear of mental poisoning that makes me at first reject practically everyone until I can see something compatible within them.

Compatibility comes second to the effects they have by being in my life. Forced adaptation to new people in my social life is not something I get excited over because I tend to be in groups- of any kind- so I can be myself, not to hold back for the sake of the new guy. And I, in no way, enjoy walking around with a potential version of me intruding on this platform from which I intend to jump beyond myself. It only holds me back…and builds resentment (resentment is a whole nother note…I need to research it more though… I think my reasoning on it is flawed).

So as I’ve grown into my own shoes I have realized that I am more compatible with those who also like socializing in a mainly one-on-one manner and who can uphold that bond when larger scenes happen or third parties come to play. Only then am I reassured that I mean something to them.

I could stop here but I’ll keep going….

Reassurance is a major factor in any kind of relationship for me. Unfortunately the background noise of a persons life can inhibit them from providing the necessary reassurance that one needs to remain confident of the strength of previous bonding. Background noise is normal, but too much at one time can definitely stop new relationships in their tracks, but I think what keeps something going is not giving into fears when the reassurance isn’t happening.

Fear does nothing more than cause me to look for red flags of danger and want to run the other way, even if the reg flags where really white. [[are you actually reading this?]] But there is something about having your worst fear come true. It is liberating to never have to be afraid of it again and to finally be able to see what caused it to be there in the first place.

In times of immense social fear within a one-on-one structure, it is unwise to turn to related third parties, unwise. [[if you are, I am just wondering…..]] Doing so breaks the foundation of the structure, causes you to waste energy building new structures (like my monuments mentioned in a previous note) that only exist based on a weakness in an old structure (not mentally healthy), and shows the original friend that something is up – leaving their imagination to go wild with possibilities based on mere fragments of information. [[if it makes any sense]]You can see, it turns a simple human emotion into a huge mess. I don’t like emotional messes, so I would rather be weary of new members to my groups. Preference.