In fifth grade we would play a game called “popcorn” where the students would take turns reading out loud and when that student had read enough they would yell out “Popcorn!” and the name of another student, who would start reading where the previous student left off. The process would repeat until the entire section was complete or the teacher got tired of hearing the word “Popcorn!” yelled in as many different ways as the class could come up with.
Once the “cool” kids (who were really just bullies) got a hold of the popcorn torch, I pretty much lost all chance of getting to read out loud. One day my eagerness to read out loud caught up with me. I couldn’t contain my excitement for the story and was reading silently along, eager to see how the story would unfold, when I started whispering the words only loud enough for me to hear. Unfortunately I was so lost in reading that I started reading out loud along with the “cool kid”. The girl looked up at me, confused. She and I made eye contact; I shrugged my shoulders as if to say “opps” and blushed as she continued to read. Luckily, no one else seemed to notice. The awkwardness only lasted a second because I once again found myself engulfed in the story.
The difficulty in assessing the correct answer to the question: “What the Hell Happened?” is that most of the time I am still inside the situation when I start asking that question.
It isn’t until the situation dies down, to a practically non-existant level, that I can look back and see the starting line more clearly, then I realize where it all went awkward. In hindsight, my first clue to most ackward interactions with people was in fact the first real interaction of the era. Relationships (of any kind or magnitude) have eras, each of which have distinct characteristcs and levels of involvement which can and often do fluctuate.
So the awkwardness usually starts at the beginning of pivotal points, either when first realizing that the human body presenting itself to me actually is more than a typical drone/robot, when starting to hang out with someone again after a long period of not hanging out with that person, or when moving from acquaintance to friend. Anyways, in two cases, I have to admit, I honestly loved the awkwardness of it. I think it is fun and flirty. The real spark of this writing situation, however, just plain sucked because it was set up vaguely from the start and remained that way the entire time. I was confused. In wondering why everything was so vague, I realized that it was me in the first place who kept playing along despite the fact that I can’t handle vagueness with people. My brain fills in the gaps with a bunch of paranoid crap that makes me delete phone numbers because I have no way of ever knowing if I will ever actually get to know certain people who keep appearing in my life. Perhaps a post on “timing” or “people who don’t talk but still want to communicate” would be more appropriate.
Oh well, the sun is already coming up in another world, I’m sure it won’t take long to find out what is weird about this one. There is always something weird, one must just be patient and wait for it to manifest and then choose whether or not the person is worth the weirdness and if I am capable of living with their issues.