I once had a close friend whose method of disconnecting from things, eras in life, and people was much different than my own. He would put a lot of time and energy into building something awesome, then enjoy the fruits of his labor for years, only to one day kick it to the curb calling it a worthless piece of junk.
Nothing he called “junk” was junk at all. He simply couldn’t see how to bring the object, habit, or person into his next phase of life with him. Since he couldn’t form a plan to mix the old with the new, he automatically thought that the old must be gotten rid of. Labeling it as worthless was the only way he knew how to depart from it.
The gap in his reasoning evolved from his belief that by that point in his life he should know how to handle life. To save face from not knowing that more options for dealing with the situation existed, his ego assumed that his default method of departure was the only way to handle it.
Respectfully departing would involve feelings of loss, disappointment, evaluations of love, and many other emotions that, in order to save face, he had a strong urge to hide. These, more positive, goodbye emotions were replaced with disrespect. In justification for his actions, he pushed aside the good aspects to focus on the few things he felt resentful for. Since objects and people are never perfect, flaws pointed out can hold a lot of weight, especially when other people feel as if the flaws are the result of some sort of personal failure.
If something is junk, well then obviously someone wouldn’t think twice about getting rid of it. But a pattern of calling once-cherished things junk just to avoid facing the loss…is, well, sad. But people do what they do and it picking up the pieces gives them more things to do.
Some of my nuttiness stems from my belief that if I am not satisfied with what’s going on around me then I must do something about it in order to achieved a more desirable state of being.
The problem with this is that I am not always able to assess the aspects of my situation to realize where I actually do not the have power to change things. So then I keep trying and trying and trying again and end up just being somewhat pushy (or at least thinking that I have overstepped some sort of boundary) until I find something else to focus that energy on. This explains some of the strange things I end up doing or saying in the presence of newer friends (I already have boundaries with the old ones, that’s why I like them). When I have energy for a person, I really can’t handle not knowing where I stand with them and even worse not being in the most desirable positioning relative to them.
So my pushiness is generally in response to me seeing that there is a problem that I think I can solve through different techniques and approaches (letting the energy out as best I can), or…. I cannot solve the problem but don’t realize that the solution is beyond my means.
Aside from pushiness I have really one other approach. Completely backing off and living with the problem in my own head (holding the energy in). The silent time allows me to really think about it and make analogies to the past so I can reassess what is going on as well as get some practical stuff done in the rafters.
The problem with this “in your face, now I’m hiding” behavior is that I completely disregard the fact that some people like having other people around all the time and a sudden absence leaves a huge veil of uncertainty hovering. Me being completely unaware of the veil of uncertainty, jump right back into relationships where I left off, all happy and content because I’ve solved some puzzles of life in my head while I was away. While the person I return to, is more than just a little confused.
Sensing their confusing, I see another problem and thus either push through it or retreat again. I can’t seem to find a middle ground.
Some people’s good moods can be a subconscious trap to find more reasons to be pissed off at me later.
Excessive addiction to knowledge which supports preconceived notions, surf the Internet and you will find the answer you are looking for.
Rebellion as a cure for discomfort
Inability to know all the details necessary to make educated decisions, or rather belief that one has enough information to make such decisions.
The belief in the misconception that there is a “normal state of mind.” This encourages people to recognize how they aren’t good enough and thus keeps them working harder at tasks which they think are in line with what is “Normals, ”in an attempt to be something other than what they themselves would otherwise, naturally be.
Lack of education about who educated people are and what has driven them to gain an education.
The lack understanding that doctors are in control of what denotes mental illness and lack of the realization that that is only one opinion which is just a measure of control over the population.
Educated people believing that they in fact, are now better because they know more about a subject, yet their knowledge is still just bias on the grounds that it was sought out to fulfill a purpose, yet until one is actually knowledgeable of the subject, they had no idea what exactly they were getting themselves into and perhaps in the process their original goal has been abandoned. The idea of an education also is that you are being trained to do a task and distraction from that task is ingrained to be avoided on the grounds of society needing you to complete tasks with your expertise. Road blocks (especially those imposed by people more so than standardized tests) to your ultimate goal should be read into with extreme detail because it is most likely that there is something about you which is not conducive with the profession. These things can be changed and often simply require a bit more growing up, but that takes you being willing to change yourself to yet another group of people’s definition of normal. Which if you are one who is on a mission to be “normal” then this is definitely the profession for you.