I often confuse myself when I think too much about my opinions of the outside world. As a habit I filter things through my own point of view; I am empathetic. I see great value in this over-thought of what I perceive because of the oddly creative stuff that I find spewing out of my own head. The subtle connections (either real or imagined) provide me a great amount of entertainment in my solitary world as well as make me more self reliant emotionally. So you can say that this is a root factor in my enjoyment of being socially withdrawn. As a habit I see what is on my mind in the world and in what people say. For a while this was rather difficult to shut off, but now that I understand it and am better able to control it to the point that I can use it to my advantage in running “what-if analysis” before making a decision.
I cannot honestly say that I am always aware that I am not objectively interpreting a situation and wouldn’t be made aware until discrepancies start to formulate, only then would I go back and adjust my interpretation. I am not disturbed by this because I am not the only one who misinterprets situations based upon fears or opinions of people involved. The difficultly is proving to people that their interpretation is incorrect and that the meaning was misconstrued due to personal bias. At this point projection bias is then coupled with belief.
Belief can a dangerous thing if one is not willing to introspect objectively or one has no reason to take that extra introspective leap. Additionally, intuition steps in to oppose belief. Running two opposing programs, one in your mind and one fueled by outside parties usually brings action to a halt. Frozen by excessive thought about an over stimulating situation, I can only act as I would have acted if this event had not occurred. Pretty much play it cool until I figure out what the hell to do. So ly in your actions, go through the motions and pretend that all is as it was, pull it off and not even your best of friends will notice that you are facing an internal dilemma of rather large proportions.
Once an action has been made, it is rather difficult to convince people of what was going through your mind this entire time because people don’t realize that one can hide such a problem because they believe that someone wouldn’t hide such a thing. They believe in relying on everyone else to help you through dilemmas and that it is in fact everyone’s business. As if showing weakness is the only way to gain support and get people to connect with you.
All I can do is hope that I have gotten it right, and hope that my hope doesn’t just prolong the torment.