There was a point, rather far in the past, where I was extremely jealous. This point in my life always comes back to plague me because nothing was actually solved at the time, I was simply “forgiven” for my horrifying emotion and all continued on with this situation pushed under the rug of our minds. My previous ponderings of jealously have lead me to believe that whenever I feel jealous, it is a signal that something in the relationship (whatever kind of relationship) isn’t actually working for me, and the emotions are just projected onto another party to formulate a cause for the emotion. The cyclical aspect of this is exactly what doesn’t make sense about it. But it was all I could come up with at the time.
Further pondering has lead me to a different approach, one that presupposes the jealousy. For this particular situation as well as an unfortunate second, I made one rather large error. That error being that I was under the impression that specific actions towards me were under the definition of the relationship I was in with said individual. In actuality, those actions were being given to me as if I was just an ordinary friend. Like, I thought something specific meant something special, when it really didn’t. Which explains why, when another person was treated in said manner, I was a little more than butt hurt about it. But then again, said individual was rather opportunistic… so I think this whole thing is an even bigger waste of my time. Yeah, I’m not even going to finish this thought for you.
-You take him to and from school
-He lies and tells you he needs a ride to school in the middle of the night so he can make it to class the next day….then calls you the next day hung over at noon (still in bed) saying he got too drunk after you dropped him off to make it to class.
-You are the one who convinced him to get braces
-He gets defiant when you tell him to cut his hair
-One day decides he has out grown you and takes off claiming to have “fallen out of love” but still wants to tell you what he is up to almost everyday and talk to you when he needs support
-When you tell him about your frustrating day he gets angry and tells you to stop complaining and do something about it, anything except complain to him.
-Tells you that it is ‘crazy’ to cry over a HUGE dent in your car that he put there which will cost you a lot of money you don’t have and he won’t work extra to help you pay for…. well not for 6 months at least
-He thinks that once he has done something then no one is as good or cool as he is until they do it too, but he didn’t realize you did most of this 6 years ago while he was in the nest still
-He declares his maturity by claiming to you that he wants no responsibility
-He claim independence by having someone else pay for him
-He claims that his memory sucks when you ask about sensitive topics
-You find yourself constantly going out of your way to see him
-After working and studying all day, then fighting traffic and finally stopping by home to pick up your stuff for the night while having a nice chat with your parents (who make you dinner and let you live in their house for free) he gets all butt-hurt that you are always late to come see him
-One stressful day he has a dinner gathering at his house and while you sleep a bit early because you have to work in the morning he stays up all night with some other girl and proceeds to express to you for the next week how cool she is
-Claims you are boring because you are bored with nothing to do at his place
-Insists that your favorite family vacation spot is an absolutely horrible place in the desert and finds any excuse to not go to the desert until he breaks up with you and goes there for a road trip with said girl from a few lines up and comes home to tell you how awesome the desert is.
-He doesn’t understand how you could no longer want to talk to him anymore