Tag Archives: distractions

Building Monuments

Building Monuments

It is interesting to notice when people do as they are told and compare that to when they rebel. I am wondering what happens when an adult goes against what I am asking them to do, not because it makes sense, but blatantly rebelling for their own reasons, only to much later do exactly as I request, once again for their own reasons. As if I finally provided them with the bricks to build another emotional monument… one they can carry on their backs and use occasionally to stumble under the pressure of.

People can build monuments to any emotion. Loss is a great one to build it to, because it will be on the back of the minds of everyone who bore witness to it or contributed to the creation of the blue prints. The individual will be forgiven for bad behavior because it is widely known the importance of the piece of life that was lost. Having gone through a totally personal and unique experience, one can therefore (often subconsciously) hide in the shadow of their monument to what was lost and reap in benefits from others who subtly sense the monument builder’s new found weaknesses.

The builder thus starts a new cycle of gaining support (not a goal of living a happy, fulfilled life) but just for the sake of getting help and assurance that it is right to build his monument. So you can see that he will fill his workforce with people who need distractions themselves from the gaps in their own lives (chosen or not) and therefore sacrifice themselves to the needs of the monument, they too can now live in its shadow and pay homage to it because it is the only reason they were able to slither into the world of the monument builder and use his resources for shelter from their own cold, beaten, continuously abandoned hearts.

You can see that it is in the best interest of the workers to never let the builder ever realize that this monument does not have to be built. He is thus allowing himself to be taken as a fool…and will blindly continue to do so.

The builder is in fact safe to regain the pieces lost if only he would not spend so much effort building a monument and use that creative energy to fight properly and tactfully for what was lost. This becomes more difficult as the construction process nears completion. The further he goes, the more he is under the supervision of his own workers, who he, deceptively, feels now depend upon him for happiness and support. This is an illusion, they don’t care for him, they are just using him to fill their own gaps for the time being. They are not evil in a sense, just not emotionally fulfilled and happy in their own lives, which isn’t a horrible thing, but they are not the properly progressive influences that the builder stubbornly feels they are. When they themselves realize that they are capable of filling their gaps they will leave the builder to build yet another monument to loss, taking with them the pieces of him they can still use while shitting on the rest. Thus he had cursed himself to work through life as Sisyphus does (you might want to look up the ‘myth of Sisyphus’).

The goal is to notice when you are using a piece of life to build a monument and once you see it, stop building it. Don’t be afraid to face the real motives of construction (workers, building materials, etc), it is better to face reality than keep running to hide from it because once faced, you are then free to happily focus on the far more beautiful and talented aspects of life, including those you once gave up on.

Caught in Limbo

Caught in Limbo

I got out of bed this morning at 11:30 after being woken up to numerous announcements over the hostel loud speaker telling people to check out and get out….luckily I checked in for 2 nights so I don’t have to move if i don’t want to.

I like to lay in bed in the morning and just think… think think think… perhaps I think too much. No I read too much. I was wondering this morning how many of my ideas are actually my own… this thought, btw, isn’t my own, I got it from one of Schopenhauer’s essays, but that’s why I read because it make me think of things that I would normally never have thought of myself. Still, how much of what i do is actually me? Sure I filter though and pick out pieces of what I encounter that I can relate to, but why those things? and why those people? I swear this social networking that everyone claims is so good really just creates more problems and distractions from what people really want to do with their time.

I do have one thought (at least) that I feel is pretty much my own creation: All this single life stuff that I have felt so excited to experience and create will mostly be useless for the rest of my life… or at least I intend it to be useless. I’m just to lazy to spend so much time filtering though guys… I never had to do this before and I am so so so glad that I was spared for 7 years from this ridiculous dating scene that so many people I meet claim to love.

I was done typing but I’ve been away from the computer for so long that I just want to type more things for the Aspects of Me:

I love green food,
I’m not always in the mood to socialize, so i pretend to be asleep, read a book, pretend not to notice people, or simply hide in order to stay in my current bubble.
I love to ride my own momentum
I often soak up people’s mannerism or personality traits, so my personality is partly composed for the people who have made a big impression on me, I don’t always like this habit of mine because it can be too obvious that I’m reacting like someone else.
Many of my goals were actually someone else’s and I’ve accomplished them to simply do it before the originator had the chance… or to simply be more like the person who came up with the idea.
If I really like a song I will listen to it for a week or two straight… or in the case of Bjork… two years straight.
I need that spark with a guy
My body tells me what foods it wants more of…

Out of time…