I get depressed at the impossibility of many of my old dreams. Not so much because those dreams are not actually attainable in this world, but more so because I’m at a point in life when many life markers are now past and so, being no longer imprisoned by childhood life, I no longer dream like I used to no matter how hard I try. With all my great fantasies, logic rudely interrupts and haughtily states, “Don’t bother, the world doesn’t work that way.” I back down to this so called logic when in reality I don’t know why logic is sticking its weasel of a nose in my dream business anyway. So what if I want to build dream worlds where all my needs are met at the exact times I need them to be and where people say what I need them to say and shut up when I’m not in the mood. So what if I manifest what it would be like if someone I shouldn’t-have-a-crush-on-but-do actually wants to hang out with me and even brings me a flower in exchange for my company. Logic comes in again and says, “you can’t spend all your time in perfect worlds, if you do, you’ll never know what it is really like to be surprised.” Well logic has a point, however he forgets to notice how many times he incorrectly uses the word ‘surprise’ in replacement of ‘disappointment’.
New people can always wait, or so, I have recently found, is the best policy. I didn’t always have that policy though, and I should have, especially with a few key individuals. Funny how being open doesn’t have the same connotation as it once did. I used to be so closed off, then all of a sudden I was way open and met some really cool people, through whom I have gradually realized I should be a bit more closed off. Is it me or is it them? The difficulty is that, in the beginning, people are always excited about new people with whom they share some sort of connection (or even a “spark” if they’re lucky) with.
That spark helps, it does… but it doesn’t mean that person is not going to treat you in a manner you deem as disrespectful. It just means that you’re going to get a bit too close to someone too fast before you can gauge any real connectivity between the two of you. Unless, of course, you can develop the ability to hold back a bit. Yes, the Sparkers are on your radar more so than any others. Yes, you want to spend more time with them and get more information about them to fill your dream world with wonderful day dreams where this new person is the star player. But no, you shouldn’t do that. I was once told that it is not healthy to meditate/think in-depth about an actual person, now I understand why.
You can tell when another person has done this (used your essence for dream world fuel) about you, because at some point in time they will tell you all about how disappointed they are in you. They will claim that the type of person they perceived you to be in the beginning is actually much different from the person they are speaking to only a few weeks later and they are no longer interested in you because of it.
When this happens, you must question your role in the equation, because in no way has your true character EVER been given a chance. People (myself included) use the real world as fuel for their own internal dreamworld and it is best to identify this trait in individuals before you start making clouded judgments about them.
If anyone ever claims that you possess any personality traits which are completely opposite of who you know yourself to be, then, I am sorry to tell you, but you have fallen victim to a delusional mind. There are no words that can convince the person of the type of person you actually are, because they already made up their mind as to who you are to them. And who you are to a person is all they will LET you be to them.
The words are only a way to pass time while they come to terms with the fact that you aren’t who they want/need you to be, therefore the words mean nothing, so don’t get stuck on them. Actions and body language are all that matter.