Tag Archives: everyday life

On Flashforwards

On Flashforwards

I woke up two months ago and it was all brand new, the light shook my hand with a smile, changing everything so that nothing before felt as if it actually happened.  Then freedom set itself in through my calmer routine.  Once the stresses of busy times subsided and I could sit back and reflect on the things that used to bother me, I found that not only did they not bother me anymore, but I also couldn’t quite remember why I was bothered by them in the first place.  This joyful forgetting has happened before.

Liberated, I’m ready to go explore again.  I just can’t yet, but I can taste it in my imagination.  This tinge in my mind sets in only when I am not engaged in conversation or distracted by some other task.  It is torturous, the constant salivating over something that you know you can obtain, the hungry knowing that so much time must pass before the harvest, and the painful tingling of possibilities of what will happen in the mean time…

I sit and go about my everyday life, routine after routine, carrying the thoughts of what has been and what could be both floating simultaneously with every movement and every word.  Dreams have turned into strategic scheming and gathering of data of how of how to get where I want to be.

I must admit there is still one thing bothering me.  But i think it is normal to be bothered by being told to go away before you have been given a proper chance.  I don’t know how long it will take until my psyche stops tossing that thought into my completely unrelated existence.

Comforts of Old Friends

Comforts of Old Friends

I was nervous about flying there to visit him because I’m not always the most exciting person to be around and it is stressful to feel the need to be more entertaining. Plus I tend to ramble in too much detail about things that others aren’t necessarily interested in. But I got off the plane and there he was. I mean, we never really hung out alone together before and here I was visiting for an entire week. I just had guts and was putting them to good use because I really wanted to hang out with him.

I was quickly put at ease. He loaded my suit case into his car and off I went with my personal tour guide telling me all the drama of the area with a wittiness no one could possibly fake. I had such a great time, we went swimming, snorkeling, climbed rocks, saw lava, watched movies, all the usual tourist things with the extra benefit of participating in someone’s everyday life.

Day Dream Derivatives

Day Dream Derivatives

There is a certain pattern to daydreams that I’ve taken note of lately. As with anything that has been occurring for ages, but only recently has become worth noting, this pattern has become a problem (without the negative connotation). “Problem” meaning simply something to solve or get something extra out of because the pieces just don’t fully make sense with my current mode of thinking.

The pattern is as such: a outside occurrence (trigger) gets me thinking of some story to keep my mind occupied or distracted. The topic is of no consequence, the only criteria is that it fills me with some sort elation and intense need to play out the entire story over and over until all the loose ends are figured out and I have one linear daydream. The process is the best part, I get to feel all sorts of emotions which my everyday life doesn’t have (perhaps I don’t actually want in my everyday life) and I’m the one creating the story so I can imagine all sorts of possibilities that are off limits to the put-downs of outsiders. Of course when I encounter a situation in these daydreams that I dislike, I can still play out the drama, but then later decide that I wouldn’t want that to happen so I can go back to any part in the story and recreate the ending from there. I imagine I could write real stories this way… I would just have to record my voice because typing takes too long. Who knows, people may like it, the only problem being that I use real people as characters in these day dreams so I’d have to disguise them somehow. (I know, I’m not supposed to mediate on real people, I know I know, bad habit, because it distorts my perception of who they really are…but that is for another note)

Anyways, so that is the daydream pattern. Probably not too dissimilar to your own. But the “problem” comes along when I realize that my end product daydream is actually obtainable for me and I would really like it to happen. There is one piece that lets me know whether or not the idea is actually capable of happening: The beginning. Often these daydreams start as some sort of life altering event occurring that takes me into a whole new world or stage of life. Like, Prince Charming shows up and I suddenly don’t mind giving up my single freedoms… that sort of “outta the blue, completely change of behavior and outlook on things” type of cheesiness. (Day dreams are full of cheesy scenarios, don’t try to ly, I know yours are too, I blame Disney).

The thing with “the beginning” is that it cannot be planned as such. One cannot plan sending in a resume in response to a simple Craigslist job ad and suddenly having the job of your dreams, because things like that tend not to happen on cue. But once you do have the job of your dreams you can work with it, but there is no viable way of getting it suddenly or with luck.

What I am saying is that those sudden things you would need to happen in your life to get you to the next phase or step cannot be planned for because who knows if and how they could actually start to happen. But sometimes you do actually have a “beginning” that is reasonable and involves simple action on your part to get the ball rolling. Those are the viable daydreams to focus on, because you can actually make those happen, or at least take steps to see if you were right in believing that you would actually enjoy it if it did happen.

So “the beginning” is actually the last step in the dreaming process for me. I’ve got to play out the normal, nitty-gritty aspects of an idea to see if I like the idea before I can even think of where to begin, otherwise I would keep starting a whole bunch of things only to find out later that I don’t actually like doing it. And I’ve done a lot of pretty awesome things in life so far, so I don’t doubt that this method didn’t contribute to all that. There are probably other ways of getting me into action, but so far, my mental forecasts have done the job well enough.

Difficulty in Answering Questions About the Future

Difficulty in Answering Questions About the Future

I get nervous when people start heavily interrogating me about my point of view or what I want in life. Sure in an interview these are questions I can answer fairly solidly (or at least I think so because I’ve been hired), but just in everyday life from friends or coworkers I get really paranoid.

I begin to wonder “Why are they asking me this?” or “What difference does it make?” My difficulty with such questions is that people tend to use my answers to forecast some future event and they forget that life doesn’t pass exactly as planned and that perhaps events in the future may inhibit something I have planned from happening.

I think people get fixated on needing to know about the part of their future that revolves around me because of some difficulty in coping with how uncertain life can be.  Anyway I am hesitant to even answer some questions. Especially questions about what I want in the future. How can you receive answers to that type of question seriously? Sure I may want “A” at the moment, but that is because I have no idea that “B” will happen and make me want “C” more than “A.”

Do you see that there is no good answer to questions about the future? Life works like this: You have elements in life such as skills, knowledge, connections, past times, assets, etc. At any given point in time you have a finite amount of life elements at your disposal, therefore you will make decisions based on the present elements as a way of heading toward desired elements. But those desired elements, which you hope to have in your future, do not exist in your life now, and may never exist exactly as you postulate because you are only creating an idea about future life-elements based on the present elements you have in life.

You don’t know what else you are going to encounter that may make you change your plans and neither do your friends. So in trying to answering people’s questions about the future, you leave out the unknown, because that is what people want to hear. “Based on what I know now….I will probably do…blah blah blah.” Nod and smile and change the subject….

Then as time passes, you just go with the flow and perfect the art of collecting elements that complement who you want to be.

The Minded

The Minded

The weak minded are easily influenced by the opinions of other people whom they hold to be of better judgment or character than themselves. They often can easily hide behind confidence of intellect to mask their emotional insecurities. Justification for their actions is often sideswipe as unnecessary since there is most likely either no logical reason for their behavior to put into words or the logical reason is constantly deemed as a constant (which others are assumed to already know) by the mind and thus is never expressed directly. They apply salesmen desperation as hope upon outcomes involving people around them who depend upon them as fulfillment of their own typically social existence.

Rebellion is only a problem when it inhibits one from performing a seemingly normal everyday life and continues to push a person to make choices that continuous put them at a disadvantage to what they were perfectly capable of achieving. When the mind is sick with rebellion, it must rebel against anything identified as a social construct, out of shame from the fact that they, too, were sucked in and enjoyed it and also from fear that outsiders might actually figure out that their confident gait is hiding nothing more than a fool like they believe everyone else to be. Their constant rebellion, which may indeed prove positive at times, most often does nothing more for them than keep them running. This endurance depicts to the outside world that the runner is superior to what they are running from, that they understand it and thus have chosen wisely against such a thing, which can be anything, even a glass of water.

Following the Herd

Following the Herd

Since I’ve had the jolly of living the retired life along with my parents for the past too many months I have really realized how beneficial it is to take time to actually live my life as I would naturally do without all the external stuff stimulating me (job, lots of friends around, obligations, etc.), funny how in an instant I realized that I achieved yet another old goal that I had forgotten about. Something to smile about because now I can fully move on to other things.

Despite so many great books and stories written about people who go off away from their constant numbness of the life they’ve been thus far living, I don’t think people really realize what they are missing by constantly doing what is expected of them. A break from that really has done me well in restoring myself up to a fairly stress free platform, I owe that to the fact that I never got to the point of throwing everything away, I’ve managed to merely step aside briefly and continue on properly without being too haunted…. or if I am haunted by anything, I take pride in knowing that what haunts me is definitely a choice of mine that has allowed the haunting because I can use that haunting in my everyday life, such things drive people to be better people.

Perhaps I’ll move on to something that isn’t so obvious at least not to me at one point in time or another. I enjoy thinking about humans as if they are some other kind of animal… I ask myself, how are we like ants in an ant hill? like schools of fish, like a pack of dogs, like any animal structure really, and lately more so like a herd animal. Nietzsche was the first one who was able to explain this concept to me in a way that I understood the broad idea, not just know about it as one knows a trivia fact, but really understand it to the point of being aware of the aspects of life that are like living in a herd of animals. So what then? okay, I understand the comparison between humans and basic herd animals, what do I do with this new level of understanding how and why people relate to each other?

What I am going to do about something or how am I going to use it is the important part here. ‘Understanding’ is the foundation; to understand for me is to fully live this new understanding, to see it in the most basic aspects of life, like the beach, the mall, my house, etc. From there it is only inside of me and for my enjoyment, but now that I have embraced and felt this new way of looking at the world I cannot help but to express it, not just in a note like this one, but more by using it to solve problems and make things better. It is a systematic thing really, all done in the abstract screen of my mind; I zoom out on a situation and break down its fundamental parts and flaws then analyze its contents separate from each other, only then can I fully understand yet another underlying root in how things work. It is my method for being good things I do. Once you are aware of yourself can you actually apply it to other aspects of life, but those details from me are unnecessary, your life is far more interesting to you than mine is.

I read an interesting trivia fact that the human eye is pretty much blind while in motion, only when it is able to focus can it actually communicate to the brain what is in front of it. Our lives operate much like this. We cannot fully understand what we are doing or have done until we take some time out and mull over the pieces. Someone who is reading this says,” yeah duh, I do that on the weekend or vacations,” but dude, I must tell you that once you realize that you are doing what the rest of the people around you are doing, then you too are sucked in, and of course you like it, no one wants to believe that the system they have spent their whole lives striving for actually has very sick limbs.

Considering the education of the masses is only a few hundred years old, I’d say the most of us are still surfs or slaves only instead of directly beating us, we are ‘made use of’ by the constant usage of a higher power over us. Striving for happiness is how we have trained ourselves to stay in the mindset of slave or surf, work hard and give yourself up for the greater good of your life and you will be rewarded. I’ll win the lottery if I submit to this? brilliant, sign me up. Question to ask youself: are you blind to the fact you are in a herd and blind to the effect of yourself?