Tag Archives: frustration

Starting Things Properly

Starting Things Properly

I’ve been flashing backwards and drawing parallels between similar events that happened at different times and I’ve come to the conclusion (with my capitalist hat on) that starting things with proper footing will, for the most part, be the best way to map out a smooth course.

If you’re not one to want smooth courses in life then, well, you’re ridiculous because you can’t make your WHOLE life difficult for yourself can you? Maybe you can, but do you want to? I get exhausted and in the process exhaust my fellow bipeds when I’ve made things more difficult than I could have. I agree that sometimes difficulty is actually a blessing, especially on road trips where difficulty brings about unexpected adventure…. but there are somethings, for me, that will be adventure enough without reoccurring problems and bad behaviors stemming from not having started off with the correct footing.

The way I see it is that if part of my life starts off one way, in one set of circumstances then it might end a similar way when a new part of life starts. Happens all the time with hobbies. I was making a pair of pants once and they ended up not fitting properly so I never finished them, in my frustration over why I couldn’t get the pattern to fit right I started crocheting a scarf. So I used my new absorption in the new hobby as an excuse not to confront issues with the previous one.

Eventually I had 5 or 6 unfinished projects laying around that I had spent money on and every time I looked into the sewing room there they were calling out “FINISH ME, FINISH ME.” But when the going got difficult I put them aside in that dark room and used another project to give me something to look forward to. It was only way later that I actually sorted through all those unfinished high school projects and finished them. Now I’m free and can start a new project for the sake of getting it done instead of trying to distract me from where I screwed up in the past

Works the same with relationships…..say, for example, I make a new friend, but our friendship actually evolved because the other party was angry at their best friend. The activities that my new friend and I do began around him telling me the horrible side of his soon-to-be-former-friend.

I listen while my new friend tells the soon-to-be-former that he is doing their favorite activities with me instead and am relieved when his former friend declines the invitation to join us. I listen as my new friend hangs up the phone after saying bye in a seemingly friendly voice and says “Bitch, Ha!” Nonetheless he’s hanging out with me and we’re having a good time so what’s the harm? Their problems have nothing to do with me. Then time passes and that whole situation is practically forgotten in our minds… until… until… I notice the same behavior but this time I am on the other end… I am the soon to be former friend.

Had I not been dealing with the same objects in the respect to each other then this theory would fall apart. So I see it happen, I know how my friend treated his former best friend, I was there I saw what role I played and I can see who is playing the former Me. So in this case I would recommend, not starting a relationship of any kind with someone who uses you as backup to finish off another because in my experience it has too much potential to be a reoccurring behavioral response to certain conditions (if it worked before, why not again?) and you will either see it coming or wonder what point in your life you’ll be at when it does and who else it will effect.

Call it capitalist efficiency if you like, or call it peace of mind, or call it being able to finish what you start, or call it shaping your life into what you want it to be, or call it not being weak, or call it placing reliability on yourself instead of on other things or people…. anything except “just because.”

Flakes and Blessings in Disguise

Flakes and Blessings in Disguise

“No doubt it is a beautiful harmony when doing and saying go together, and I do not want to deny that words are of greater authority and efficacy when actions follow.” – De Montaigne

(Have I used this quote before? I’m not sure…. It is one of my favorites, so I wouldn’t be surprised)

I love sudden realizations, especially ones that indicate where I’ve wasted time and energy or where I realize that I’ve made the right decision for myself. I am therefore freed of placing myself in that situation and blindly reacting to it again… or so I feel. One area that I noticed I was wrong and plain stupid was continuing to rely on a flake; not a corn flake, or frosted flake, or snow flake, but a human flake… one who makes promises and doesn’t intend to keep them or doesn’t even remember making them, and to my surprise many many times, doesn’t keep them.

At first I was angry that the promises, even simple ones weren’t being kept, but it wasn’t until way after the flake flaked out on me for the last time that I have come to terms with myself that I was the stupid one for not eradicating the flake out of my life long ago. I’ve known my actions had something to do with the ultimate flake-out, but I didn’t realize it was in my initial choice of a mate where I had drastically failed. I gave the flake more chances than any rational person would have, why? well, honestly, I saw so many other things that he did that were wonderful, but they honestly weren’t enough to hold it all together. Flaking out on one too many BIG things in someone else’s life definitely doesn’t win anyone a spot in the hall of fame no matter how many cool superficial activities one has done in the name of whoever.

So recently, after venting some pent up frustration over petty and childish incidents and instead of trying to figure out where I went wrong with specifics, I simply zoomed out and saw the flake for who he really is and how my not being strong enough to stand up for myself years ago has contributed to me wasting a lot of time and pointless heart ache on someone who I actually didn’t have the connection to that I had blindly thought I had. I cried for all the wrong reasons! How embarrassing is that?

As for him, any girl can have him, I’m not even going to pretend to care or ever be jealous of someone who simply inherited a flake from me and my dreams happen regardless of who I hold them to. So I’m free to live my life flake-free and be the coolest person the flake will forever miss out on, with friends I can count on, who enjoy my crazy antics and emotions and don’t mind going out of their way for me if I need their help.

So next time a flake tries to flake out of your life… let them go and move on to a non-flake who is hotter and not only better in bed, but doesn’t make you wait for the weekend to prove it to you.

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

Wenching, Habits, and a Touch of Taste

True, I am one to often believe that wenching and complaining is quite necessary and a good way of simply expressing frustration over issues beyond ones control. But honestly, I can’t listen to the same stuff every occurrence. How is it possible that people forgot how to grow? No, Once you hit 21 you’re not necessarily set in your ways, you do not have to be the way you are forever, unless, of course, you are lazy or just in need of habits to use as a source of identity and a feeling of value for oneself.

I met a guy in Australia, old guy, name is John; I loved walking by my local pub and sitting down for a beer and a chat with John under the heat lamps. Like most guys, John had other women, same as me, who stopped by for a beer and a chat with him. I didn’t mind that I was just one of many, I felt honored actually. You see, John wanted to be known as: “John, you know, the guy always sitting out, drinking a beer at the Quarrymans Hotel.” That was John sole purpose… to be ‘that’ guy out side of a pub the the locals knew about and would remember (Keep in mind this was Sydney, not BFE).

I bring up this story because it has to do with controlling which niches one places oneself in. Being a creature of intense habit, I can detect- all to well- when someone needs a new habit adjustment, including myself. There comes that point when one is still playing the old program simply for the sake of being in the habit of filling a redundant scene in ones life with something and not getting anywhere, because ‘I just don’t know what else to do with myself.’ I.E. Holidays, yawning in conversations when you’re not tired, constantly making your life difficult so you don’t have to focus on other things, (insert annoying habit here), etc………

From this point one can go in basically two directions:
1. Don’t let on that the habit was ever there and change it so subtlety that no one notices until the change has fully been made, and then act as though the new part of you was there all the time, you just pulled it out of your sleeve all breezy-like. Brilliant. Wow. Stand up and clap for yourself.
2. Make a big deal out of your change and tell the whole world how you’ve wasted so much time and now these are all the things you’re gonna do and all the things you’re gonna accomplish. Not my style because it is only brilliant if you actually pull it off… and if you take this approach… I (or someone else) will steal your ideas (if I like them) and pull them off before you just to see if I can or steal the glory. As the Godfather said: “Trust people, but also be wary of them. Don’t let them know what you are thinking too much.”

Where does wenching fit into all of this? Wenching is one thing ones does when one is aware of a habit, but fears not being able to pull off a remedy for this little hole you’ve dug yourself. That is why I prefer option 1, from above, given a choice, because I have an annoying habit of fearing failure and don’t like others to see where I’ve failed- assuming they know what constitutes failure to me. Avoiding option 2 to also avoids compound failure and constant changing of plans, which makes one look weak and a bit delusional.

Most importantly, redundant wenching also is a result of hoping others will clean up your messes for you. This lazy luxury is not only for people who believe they are superior to the problem at hand and so feel they have the ‘right’ to wench about it, but also the ability to make it someone else’s problem. Tact, in this case, is definitely something that should be taught better on TV. Or maybe it is just me who has a hard time handling people swimming though dirty laundry while trying to have a conversation…. heaven forbid a tide come in.

Recalling a time I did something to get noticed

Recalling a time I did something to get noticed

To be honest, I don’t think whiskey and I ever really got along as well as I tend claim despite the many moments when I felt a rush of excitement at the Jameson bottle cap click-clicking open or the crackle-crackle of the ice cubes in a glass warming up to their new roommate. The look on a strange, new face as I perform the classic sip-and-swish with a feminine smile of harsh satisfaction combined with a fleeting eye-to-eye flash, is, definitely, reason enough to enjoy the old man’s medicine.

All was grand until whiskey and I had a major falling out. You see it has this way of making me believe that what I am feeling deep down inside is, more or less, rational and that the company I am with will totally understand and agree that there is a problem and they will help me resolve misunderstandings with it. On top of that, it makes me believe that expressing what I am feeling in the most abrupt and, at times, explosive manner is the best idea ever. “After all,” whiskey tells me, “your true friend (a) will understand what actions have lead you to feel this way, (b) knows that feelings aren’t facts, and (c) realizes that at this moment in time, there is no way to sugar coat the fact that it hurts you to have to hear about ‘her’ all-the-time.” Being starved of proper outlets of natural emotion, especially frustration, in my normal awareness, whiskey provided me with an outlet which, I found, works well to weed out those who think solely about themselves under the guise of thinking for themselves, at price, of course.

Ways to pass time at home…..

Ways to pass time at home…..

I’ve created a list of things that i can do at home to help spare me the frustration of not being in more exciting locations. (By more exciting locations I mean some place new, where people speak different languages and have adventurous stories to tell. I in no way intend this to mean that home sucks because it doesn’t, so please just question me next time you’re pissed off that I didn’t meet your expectations and I can explain that you have simply misunderstood me without a whole lot of wasted anger)

Further for the record, these are hobby ideas for heaven sakes, hobbies meaning things I will do in my spare time while in the company of my family, friends, hopefully a boyfriend one day, etc. This does contain some jokes, so please feel free to laugh…

So here are my ideas, some of them are far fetched but who knows, anything is possible for everyone.

Take classes like:
Fashion Design
Mechandising
Photography
Drawing
Writing

Work for the bathing suit company again if I have spare time when I’m working for Mr. Jim-is-genius

Learn to drive a stick shift while off roading

Redesign the sewing room so that it actually fits all the fabric and machines in it

Teach English so I can brush up on my Spanish in preparation for a South American adventure

Get a puppy so Lula can help me train it (I wonder if mom and dad will be so happy to have me home after babysitting my puppy all day while i work… Mu ha ha ha ha ha)

Join the scuba dive club and dive the Galapagos Island with them

Go sailing and flying with George (most definitely a must)

Find a job in Europe

Maybe a job in New York, but honestly if I’m gonna be that far away I may as well be in Europe.

Plan a trip to Thailand

Hmmm anyone else have any ideas?