I got back a piece of myself just now…well a ‘piece’ isn’t quite right, more like: I got back a Zoroish mask of myself just now, perhaps a combining of masks actually….just let me explain, I’ll get to the core of this while I write. Throughout today the mask slowly assembled, it started with a phone call at the way too early hour of 9:30am, no wait….that was yesterday…or was it on Monday? Hmmm…so, okay the mask has been building for two or three days now. Moving on.
Larry and Adam called to see if I could come with them to pick up Adam’s car from the shop to bring it home. “Finally, an opportunity for some adventure,” I thought to myself. After working out the logistics of our intended maneuver, we succeeded in getting the ’76 Civic back to Adam’s house. The details of which aren’t as interesting as what the team effort brought out from inside me that hadn’t come out in a very very very long time. It felt great to do so simple of a task with friends who I wouldn’t trust with everything (i.e. driving my car), but that I know in which ways I CAN trust. This ‘CAN’ makes all the difference.
There is a lot of testing with newer friends that has already been accomplished time and time again in the older ones. We know each others strengths and each other’s weaknesses and it is exciting when we know how to overlap the two to cover for each other, in a seamless, high style fashion. It is just that feeling of being deep on the inside of relationships with those around me and not being so conscious of the connection and relation we have with one another. That was the first piece of my mask…lets say the right eye.
The second piece, the left eye, fell into place while talking to Lavina on the phone. I realized that I hadn’t heard her voice in almost 2 and a half years. And all I can say is that I felt like a fairy was hovering above my head sprinkling me with the most soothing, sparkling magic dust and it took me to new heights.
The third piece, the nose, fell into place while hanging out in ‘The Backyard’ tonight. I was back in action, fulfilling my old shoes (figuratively and literally speaking because I put on my old tennis shoes and some toes socks, I hadn’t worn close toed shoes in over a month, felt awesome and warm) while managing to bring in so many new aspects of myself that are now naturally coming out of me and fitting in nicely to the social matrix at hand.
At this point I could hold the mask up to my face and see through it, but it wasn’t until the strap that holds it on fell into place that I felt this extremely full feeling of being complete within myself.
There I was in my mismatching/striped toe-socks, with glasses on, my jeans constantly sagging down past my butt crack (all this yoga melts me), wearing a puffy blue jacket, and my hair in a pony tail, dancing in my kitchen using the back window of the house as my mirror, all while waiting for the kettle to boil water for my tea. I’m not sure how much time had passed in this classic Stephanie state-of-existing when the strap of my mask finally *snapped* it into place and held it there long enough for me to glimpse myself in the mirror, just being myself and honestly enjoying myself.
It is good to be back.