Tag Archives: mean time

On Friendships

On Friendships

I understand.  One thing I’ve noticed is that I can never form strong relationships with the people who I feel like I’d have a connection with, so I’m stuck hanging out with the more uninteresting people who are more accessible.  I just think that I don’t naturally understand friendship.  As kids we were forced to hang out with people and build bonds, but now as adults we can do our own thing and I find it difficult to merge my “own thing” with someone else’s “own thing”.  Don’t get me wrong though, I am happier now that I do not have any close friends: life is drama-free, time passes smoothly, I’m focused on school, my career, and hobbies without anyone reminding me of my failures whenever I’m celebrating a success.

I never understood why people choose to tell me in person that I need to be more like someone else.  If you prefer someone else, then go hang out with them, because if you think you’re more compatible with a different type of person, the feeling is most likely mutual.  People come and go, and I’ve noticed that if I’m just open to new people I find a real gem of a person to hang out with every year or so.  Sounds few and far between,  I’ve learned to just keep my eyes open and enjoy the few enjoyables while their life is in sync with mine.  In the mean time, I stay out of the personal lives of people I don’t feel a spark for while striving to be a good person.

On Flashforwards

On Flashforwards

I woke up two months ago and it was all brand new, the light shook my hand with a smile, changing everything so that nothing before felt as if it actually happened.  Then freedom set itself in through my calmer routine.  Once the stresses of busy times subsided and I could sit back and reflect on the things that used to bother me, I found that not only did they not bother me anymore, but I also couldn’t quite remember why I was bothered by them in the first place.  This joyful forgetting has happened before.

Liberated, I’m ready to go explore again.  I just can’t yet, but I can taste it in my imagination.  This tinge in my mind sets in only when I am not engaged in conversation or distracted by some other task.  It is torturous, the constant salivating over something that you know you can obtain, the hungry knowing that so much time must pass before the harvest, and the painful tingling of possibilities of what will happen in the mean time…

I sit and go about my everyday life, routine after routine, carrying the thoughts of what has been and what could be both floating simultaneously with every movement and every word.  Dreams have turned into strategic scheming and gathering of data of how of how to get where I want to be.

I must admit there is still one thing bothering me.  But i think it is normal to be bothered by being told to go away before you have been given a proper chance.  I don’t know how long it will take until my psyche stops tossing that thought into my completely unrelated existence.