I understand. One thing I’ve noticed is that I can never form strong relationships with the people who I feel like I’d have a connection with, so I’m stuck hanging out with the more uninteresting people who are more accessible. I just think that I don’t naturally understand friendship. As kids we were forced to hang out with people and build bonds, but now as adults we can do our own thing and I find it difficult to merge my “own thing” with someone else’s “own thing”. Don’t get me wrong though, I am happier now that I do not have any close friends: life is drama-free, time passes smoothly, I’m focused on school, my career, and hobbies without anyone reminding me of my failures whenever I’m celebrating a success.
I never understood why people choose to tell me in person that I need to be more like someone else. If you prefer someone else, then go hang out with them, because if you think you’re more compatible with a different type of person, the feeling is most likely mutual. People come and go, and I’ve noticed that if I’m just open to new people I find a real gem of a person to hang out with every year or so. Sounds few and far between, I’ve learned to just keep my eyes open and enjoy the few enjoyables while their life is in sync with mine. In the mean time, I stay out of the personal lives of people I don’t feel a spark for while striving to be a good person.