Tag Archives: mirror

The mirror trap

The mirror trap

There you are, chatting about the past.  Answering honestly questions about how you perceived things happening.  Suddenly the questioner doesn’t like how you saw things and begins to argue that it didn’t happen that way.  They see the most negative extreme of what you said and you meant something judgmentally void of right and wrong.  In an attempt to keep clarifying, you realize that it is going nowhere and just as you are about to give up on the conversation, they throw shit at you: “Well it isn’t like you never did something stupid?”

Suddenly your eyes narrow, your throat wells up and you’re pissed.  “We weren’t talking about me, sooo what does that have to do with what we were talking about?” you ask.

“I’m just saying….”  the other party continues looking smug.

I try to retrace the conversation aloud with the person to figure out where I missed a turn but they are so dead set on putting me down that they refuse to map out the logic.  My mind races to map it out alone before the emotion wells up enough to take away my voice.

step one: she asked my opinion

step two: I gave it to her, she seemed fine until I said that one thing

step three: I kept clarifying and she couldn’t see that what I said was just a neutral observation.

step four: the tables turned and now I am under fire.

step five: escape!

In reality I said something she didn’t agree with and instead of staying on topic, she was offended and responded with a verbal jab.  I guess what I thought to be truthful common knowledge actually wasn’t.  I so unknowingly offended her first and she fought fire with fire.

Moral of the story: don’t use examples that include the person you are talking to… use examples about other people instead.  If they are still offended by that, then just don’t answer their questions anymore.

 

On the Psychological Mirror

On the Psychological Mirror

In trying to differentiate what makes someone attractive or not, I can only come up with one solid reason for why I would choose to spend more time with a person.  (by attractive I mean any type of attribute which naturally [meaning subconsciously] causes me to hangout with somebody [as a friend, acquaintance, boyfriend, etc.)  That one solid attribute is the fact that the image of myself which they project back to me is in line with my own esteem for myself.  Yes, having things in common is a magnet (at least until we exhaust that topic) but it won’t really form any real bond because there are lots of people with whom I share many hobbies so that doesn’t, in itself, make one person stand out.  It can be annoying actually, when people push and push the things we have in common down my throat, like, we may have the topic in common, but our style of talking about it clearly isn’t in common, but that’s another issue.

I think it is much more difficult to project a positive image of a person when there is too much emotion attached to them.  So over time, longer relationships tend to dull out from the accumulated moments of another person projecting back at you a negative view of yourself.  It is the learning exchange.  You’re happy when another person picks up on a fun social game that you play because, well, you like that game and you like that you have someone to play it with.  But once you see how they learned some of your negative habits, the fun is over.  Because you know what they are doing because you taught it to them.  They didn’t throw that psychological ball at you before because most likely they didn’t know it yet or they didn’t know it would work until something you did subconsciously clued them in.

At that point, you’re sitting there watching parts of yourself that you dislike being tossed right back at you with a devious smile and life for those moments doesn’t get any worse.  You sit there, letting your body entertain the bitter body across the table from you while your mind tries to figure out what went wrong.  The situation is so subtle that it isn’t worth being frank about it because it can easily be denied.  But you know for sure you pissed someone off somewhere along the way and this is how they step up to the plate about it.

This is why it is good to give people time.  You need to see if the positive image of yourself they usually reflect is still maintained when they are under stress because of you.

Good Quotes or Ideas or Just Pieces that Fit My Perspective

Good Quotes or Ideas or Just Pieces that Fit My Perspective

Sometimes patterns in words come about at just the right timing….

“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor….As for this myth, one sees merely the whole effort of a body straining to raise the huge stone, to roll it and push it up a slope a hundred times over…Then Sisyphus watches the stone rush down in a few moments toward that lower world whence he will have to push it up again” – The myth of Sisyphus – Camus

“The greatest stress. How, if someday or night a demon were to sneak after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you, ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything immeasurably small or great in your life must return to you – all in the same succession and sequence – even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned over and over, and you with it, a dust grain of dust.’ Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or did you once experience a tremendous moment when you would have answered him, ‘You are a god, and never have I heard anything more godly.’ If this thought were to gain possession of you, it would change you, as you are, or perhaps crush you. The question in each and everything. ‘Do you want this once more and innumerable time more?’ would weigh upon your actions as the greatest stress. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?” – Nietzsche

“We discover that we do not know our role; we look for a mirror; we want to remove our make-up and take off what is false and be real. But somewhere a piece of disguise that we forgot still sticks to us. A trace of exaggeration remains in out eyebrows; we do not notice that the corners of our mouth are bent. And so we walk around, a mockery and a mere half: neither having achieved being or actors.” – Rilke

“She was extremely glad to escape at last; she went away, looking down, hurrying to get out of sight as soon as possible, to walk the twenty steps to the turning on the right and to be at last alone, and then moving rapidly along, looking at no one, noticing nothing, to think, to remember, to meditate on every word, every detail. Never, never has she felt anything like this…a whole new world was opening before her.” – Dostoevsky

“I believe that, after thousands and millions of years, someone had to realize that this wonderful world of mountains and oceans, suns and moons, galaxies and nebulae, plants and animals, exists.” – Jung

There has got to be more….