Tag Archives: perception

The Remedy for Infatuation

The Remedy for Infatuation

Every once in a while I come across people with certain characteristics that I want to experience more of. Often times it is because their manner of exchanging communicative signals and social games is similar to mine, so the conversation keeps going even if nothing of useful substance is actually being said.  And key, we both enjoy it, or seem to, because we keep doing it.

Infatuation evolves out of wanting to interact but not being able to get enough of the interaction.  So the mind essentially improvises, to my dismay.  Now the person ceases to exist to me in their real form.  I unknowingly create an extra-added layer of perception, which I end up rationalizing as real because my mind is great at making up perfect scenarios to fulfill the excess emotion that isn’t properly stimulated by the external world.   It creates confusion between whom I’m actually thinking of and whom I’m actually in the presence of. This makes me nervous, because I start having difficulty acting normal since I don’t actually know the person well enough to know if how I perceive them is actually how they are. Thus how I want to behave is held back in fear that I perceive the situation incorrectly.   The remedy: to actually hang out with the person as much as possible until I find that one thing about the person that I absolutely cannot put up with.   This dulls the emotional need to incorporate the person into my thoughts.  Once they are out of my thoughts, I’m free of the person I was hoping they would be.

On Talking

On Talking

There is something great about new people who enjoy conversing.  By conversing I mean, deep conversing about anything and everything regardless of any emotional or faux pas connotation surrounding the topic (now that I think of it, there are a few exceptions but it really just depends on what direction the conversation is going).  The best is when the dialogue between us flows smoothly and neither one of us is inhibited from fully speaking what is on our minds because we both can roll with the breaks, pauses, and indications without distress or boredom.

I think what I enjoy most are tangents to the point of talking about something completely different from the root topic, then somehow going back to the starting topic as a signal that the conversation is either over, or it is time to move on to a new topic seed.

Talking is a very important connector for me because of the almost endless realm of information discovery potential.  A lack of this connector between myself and someone in my world causes conflict because I don’t always know what to do with people when they aren’t so keen on chatting.  Kind of dangerous because I will just fill in the gaps about them that I wish I could find out from the source.  That fact that I become aware of how distorted my perception is of a specific person acts as a starting point for freeing up energy, so that I can now apply it to someone who enjoys talking as a means of getting to know me.

Day Dream Derivatives

Day Dream Derivatives

There is a certain pattern to daydreams that I’ve taken note of lately. As with anything that has been occurring for ages, but only recently has become worth noting, this pattern has become a problem (without the negative connotation). “Problem” meaning simply something to solve or get something extra out of because the pieces just don’t fully make sense with my current mode of thinking.

The pattern is as such: a outside occurrence (trigger) gets me thinking of some story to keep my mind occupied or distracted. The topic is of no consequence, the only criteria is that it fills me with some sort elation and intense need to play out the entire story over and over until all the loose ends are figured out and I have one linear daydream. The process is the best part, I get to feel all sorts of emotions which my everyday life doesn’t have (perhaps I don’t actually want in my everyday life) and I’m the one creating the story so I can imagine all sorts of possibilities that are off limits to the put-downs of outsiders. Of course when I encounter a situation in these daydreams that I dislike, I can still play out the drama, but then later decide that I wouldn’t want that to happen so I can go back to any part in the story and recreate the ending from there. I imagine I could write real stories this way… I would just have to record my voice because typing takes too long. Who knows, people may like it, the only problem being that I use real people as characters in these day dreams so I’d have to disguise them somehow. (I know, I’m not supposed to mediate on real people, I know I know, bad habit, because it distorts my perception of who they really are…but that is for another note)

Anyways, so that is the daydream pattern. Probably not too dissimilar to your own. But the “problem” comes along when I realize that my end product daydream is actually obtainable for me and I would really like it to happen. There is one piece that lets me know whether or not the idea is actually capable of happening: The beginning. Often these daydreams start as some sort of life altering event occurring that takes me into a whole new world or stage of life. Like, Prince Charming shows up and I suddenly don’t mind giving up my single freedoms… that sort of “outta the blue, completely change of behavior and outlook on things” type of cheesiness. (Day dreams are full of cheesy scenarios, don’t try to ly, I know yours are too, I blame Disney).

The thing with “the beginning” is that it cannot be planned as such. One cannot plan sending in a resume in response to a simple Craigslist job ad and suddenly having the job of your dreams, because things like that tend not to happen on cue. But once you do have the job of your dreams you can work with it, but there is no viable way of getting it suddenly or with luck.

What I am saying is that those sudden things you would need to happen in your life to get you to the next phase or step cannot be planned for because who knows if and how they could actually start to happen. But sometimes you do actually have a “beginning” that is reasonable and involves simple action on your part to get the ball rolling. Those are the viable daydreams to focus on, because you can actually make those happen, or at least take steps to see if you were right in believing that you would actually enjoy it if it did happen.

So “the beginning” is actually the last step in the dreaming process for me. I’ve got to play out the normal, nitty-gritty aspects of an idea to see if I like the idea before I can even think of where to begin, otherwise I would keep starting a whole bunch of things only to find out later that I don’t actually like doing it. And I’ve done a lot of pretty awesome things in life so far, so I don’t doubt that this method didn’t contribute to all that. There are probably other ways of getting me into action, but so far, my mental forecasts have done the job well enough.

Friends

Friends

Risk of being reduced to a stepping stone

Exposed to different peoples social rules and levels of what is polite. Also their own concept of time. Should one person feel that a week is a long time to go without some sort of validation of the relationship and you think a month is enough then the person with the need for a shorter interval for (not justification but…. What’s the word?) reassurance then the more secure person (assuming the ability to go longer periods of time without reassurance or change in the perception of the status of the relationship indicates less insecurity) must accommodate the insecurities of the other and add this action to the list of what friends are for. With insecurity comes a higher threshold for being let down. Those who are more secure and less in need of constant reassurance have stricter boundaries.

A Major Problem with the Perception of Equal Rights Between Men and Women

A Major Problem with the Perception of Equal Rights Between Men and Women

Some men think that equal rights means that women should be treated as if they actually do think, understand, and process like men do.

I realize you are not a girl with a ‘package’…. so please don’t treat me like a guy with a vagina.