Tag Archives: personality

On Getting to Know Someone

On Getting to Know Someone

There is a certain point in the getting-to-know-people stage where they are becoming more and more predictable..and you are aware of this.  Suddenly that surprising phone call is no longer out of the blue, that invitation to hang out has a known end, and those mannerism speak for themselves.  Yep, you’ve just learned their personality.  You’ve got it down.  Now what?

In comes repetition and overlaying experiences.  You mix and mingle until, whoops!  You found out what you don’t like about them.  Oh dear, what a loss, you’re high has just fallen and suddenly all those fun memories have an hazy glow that keeps you from remembering that they were once considered cool.  Suddenly they aren’t cool at all.

Oh no! It isn’t that you realized what you don’t like about the person, you realized that you don’t like the person.  Oh a huge difference.  It is so big and potentially painful to the other party that you couldn’t bare to tell them.  So you keep going, keep answering the phone and hanging out.  After all you know you don’t like them, shouldn’t they too be figuring out that they don’t like you too?  Why is it taking so long?  How do I say no?  Why do they argue every time I say no?  How do I get out of this?  Oh god, I’m going to have to see the person soon and I have nothing to say, nothing I want to say and I don’t even feel like smiling.

Every time you are faced with the person, that first thing that you didn’t like about them becomes them.  It is there, walking by your desk, chatting in your ear, sending lines it text.  The person is no longer the person, they are everything that you do not like about them walking on two legs and they know it.  They must know that no one would ever like all of this.  How could they not know?  This is common sense to me, people don’t treat others so rudely and expect to be liked do they?  I learned this in preschool and they are still behaving this way?  Do people not know what a disgusted facial expression means?  Do they not know what it means to wear such an expression all the time?  They don’t. They don’t know.  Because they don’t know what you know.

But wait, sometimes things go the other way.  Sometimes you realize what you don’t like about someone and they never do it again.  Life just goes on and no one seems to notice.  You were waiting for them to do that annoying thing again and they didn’t.  You even held back to give them extra space to say that annoying word and nothing, there was silence.  or even better, they said something that you liked instead.  How wonderful this person is.

Then it continues for a long time and you realize that this person is stable.  They may do things that you don’t like but not every time and if it is a problem, they don’t hang their souls on the issue, they just do something else.  Ahhh, I see, this person is dynamic.  Those are my types of friends.  Shape shifters who don’t always operate on cue and enjoy having a deep pockets of happy social games to play.  You can still toss a nasty social pitch their way as a test, but you’ll notice that they deflect it with ease.  Instead of saying “you bitch!” they say, “I don’t play that game, but I like you so try another.”

Between the two extremes there ly the, well, inliers.  Those who stay in the gray.  You know enough about them that you know you don’t need to know any more about them.  They get a little annoying sometimes because you can never seem to get to know them enough to know whether you like them or not.  Which, in itself, is probably what you don’t like about them that they keep doing over and over so they really fall into the negative.  But give them a chance because sometimes it is just the situation that drives their behavior.

The Switch from Dislike to Like

The Switch from Dislike to Like

Usually when I come across someone who holds a place in my mind, a whole wealth of memories flood into my mind screen.  They just keep flashing and reminding me of all the different attitudes towards the person I have taken.

I imagine the same thing about me is going off in their head.  Suddenly I find that the conversation has overtones of previously unspoken attitudes.  “Does he really realize that I didn’t like him way back then?” I ask myself because all of a sudden the topics of choice all have a common theme.   We are all of a sudden talking about people we’ve both lately come across people from the past that we didn’t like.

“Odd how the conversation went in this direction,” I continue thinking to myself, feeling a little exposed.  It continues to the point where we discover how we actually have the same reasoning and methodology for not liking general people.

I find it strange talking to people who I don’t like about the details of not liking people.  It is kind of a mind trip, but the situation goes on and now we have actually found something in common.  The confusion sets in because now, I have something in common with a person I don’t like… does that mean that I kinda do like his personality after all?  I don’t know, but I’m definitely intrigued.

On Reading

On Reading

This is long over due, to the point where this should have been my first note.  But I had the urge to pull Proust from my book shelf and read his opening paragragh/sentence to “Days of Reading” and I still so full heartily agree.  I cannot say it better.  There is just some nostalgic essence in remembering the many books I kept my nose in.  I understand why they want children to read, more so than ever, because I can draw on experiences that I never actually experienced to aid my waking life.

I feel a sadness for it actually. I cannot get back to that place in my mind, I cannot revisit those stories as I first experienced them because I am no longer at that stage.  I no longer escape life into fantasy because I’ve managed to merge my fantasy with real life and I am content.  Therefore I seek no solace, no need to reach into another world of make-believe.  Now I am merely interested in cool concepts and stories that guide me into deeper understanding and meaning into my actual daily existence.  I am at one side excited about all I learn about in the real world beyond my home town, but at the same time depressed over my inability to connect with characters and events of stories long past.  An entire world of existance taken away from me by time and experience.  I’m forced to grasp to what I can, desperately for some peace of mind to avoid becoming like those jaded folks who tell me that fantasy world never existed in the first place.  Oh believe me, it is real, I have my personality to prove it.

On the Secret Thoughts

On the Secret Thoughts

I have difficulty being friends with people for two reasons:

1)   I always have negative thoughts about people swimming in the back of my mind,

2)   Everyone is always shit talking everyone else to me.

I am completely confused because deal breakers for me are not the same deal breakers for those people who are already in my world shelling out their opinion like it is Kobe Beef served at the Ritz in Osaka, Japan (as if nothing in the world could possibly be any better than their opinion).  Which is fine, but what I really hate is after I get a warning from someone, there is always that look when I go against their warning, which causes me to either have to choose sides or keep my friendship a secret.

I hate bringing my friends together in most circumstances.  I love each of them for different reasons and I can’t handle when one person I love dislikes another of equal status.  So I usually keep them all separate to preserve my own sanity.  Obviously I talk to them because they are nice people whose view of life I respect (or hope to), but goddamn, I can’t help but wonder why my friends are always at war with each other.  It must be because I am always at war with myself and the people I associate with usually complement those same competing facets of my personality.

On Losing Patience

On Losing Patience

Sometimes it is just one comment that swings the pendulum. Maybe the trait was always there, it just happened to be directed at you for once. Maybe it will only happen once in a while but because of the extremeness of the comment you can’t help but to wonder if perhaps it was just the beginning of flood gates opening. In that case, it is cautious to steer clear of the river valley.

But it draws a line there and puts up a score board. How many times is the line going to be crossed before I don’t want to deal with it anymore? I just have to wait and see. But this is the problem I’ve had in the past: I wait and see for too long, so long that I’m so exhausted that I just want to shut the door and brick over the entrance.

I just don’t think I have a right to tell people that I think they are full of shit. Yes maybe it is just a phase and they haven’t realized how life has affected their personality contra to mine; I’m tired of waiting out those storms too. I wouldn’t want someone coming into my world and telling me I’m going about things all wrong, because I know- just as much as other know about themselves- that things are just fine and functioning enjoyably. People in themselves know what parts of their life aren’t optimal, they don’t need to hear how much worse those things are making it on people around them because there is probably not much they can fully do about it right now.

I’ve just lost the coping skill that should enable me to think of social bullshit in a non-momentous way. Why am I even thinking of it at all? Why can’t I just let it pass and not feel like I need to prepare myself for it to happen again? Because it happens a lot and I can’t have a good time when I’m constantly having to watch my behavior or words to shelter myself from some sort of attack.

Switching from Dislike to Like

Switching from Dislike to Like

Often when I come across someone who holds a place in my mind, a whole wealth of memories flood into my mind screen.  They just keep flashing and reminding me of all the different attitudes towards the person I have taken.  I imagine the same thing about me is going off in their head.  Suddenly I find that the conversation has overtones of previously unspoken attitudes.  “Does he really realize that I didn’t like him?” I ask myself because all of a sudden the topics of choice all have a common theme.   We are all of a sudden talking about people we’ve come across lately that we didn’t like.  “Odd how the conversation went in this direction,” I continue thinking to myself, feeling a little exposed.  It continues to the point where we discover how we actually have the same reasoning and methodology for not liking general people.  I find it strange talking to people I don’t like about people I don’t like.  It is kind of a mind trip, but the situation goes on and now we have actually found something in common.  The confusion sets in because now, I have something in common with a person I don’t like… does that mean that I kinda do like his personality after all?  I don’t know, but I’m definitely intrigued.

Not Being Spoken For

Not Being Spoken For

Every once in a while I run across a guy who thinks that just because I make some sort of witty comment back at him that I am flirting, or that I am playing some sort of word/communication this-means-I-like-you game. Without knowing my personality, they must assume that I reserve this behavior to someone I am interested in. In this situation (lately it happen to be sailing class where I was stuck on the boat with this guy for 6 hours three Saturdays in a row) no matter what I did I couldn’t escape the guy. If I commented back, he would make it into a bigger scene for the rest of the classmates to witness and if I remained silent I still heard my name being annoyingly tossed around. Even after I declined his drink offer, nothing changed. I can only attribute this behavior towards me to my singleness, because he wasn’t harassing the married girl on the boat. But maybe if her husband wasn’t there he’d’ve harassed her as well.

Getting Mad at People

Getting Mad at People

Thinking back, the effect of getting angry at people (aside from family members, we have no choice but to work it out) was a sure fire way of putting the breaks on the relationship (though I didn’t really notice this in the moment, it has a few times been the outcome). In the past I was naturally getting mad at things that annoy me, then getting even more pissed off when told that I don’t have to feel that way about the topic…. then getting even more pissed off at the defense of “If you just change how you think about it then you won’t get mad.” There just came a point where I was just masking my anger for the sake of a smooth ride, but I was still mad, I just was trying not to be. Clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. I should always be free to express myself, what makes me mad is part of what makes me. My personality is respectful of not doing things to other people that (in my shoes) would piss me off… so to get frustrated with me for getting mad and not getting frustrated for going out of my way not to piss you off, doesn’t make any sense, they are two expressions of the same internal value.

An annoying thing about rightfully being angry at people is that for the most part they’re trying to explain why I shouldn’t be mad and what I can do differently to not let this situation bother me. I don’t get mad at people often…..so if I am already mad because of some repetitive behavior on their part…. of course I’m going to be more pissed off when you’re asking me not to be mad so you can continue to do whatever you want that affects me.

Since it is rare that I use outright anger to gain power over the situation, when I do use this tactic, it is because of a major problem, here is the deal: you don’t do it, and I won’t be mad. If you make it a game to piss me off because you know what pisses me off…. that’s when the phone stops ringing.

The Routine Life

The Routine Life

Are you ready to be bored? And skip a few lines? Or even think to yourself as you close this note, “Why is she writing this?”

I wake up every day between 6:30 and 7:00am depending on if the sun covered by fog or not and especially if the blinds are turned up or down. It is easier to wake up to the sun than to my new ambient cell phone ring tone, but I still need another alarm clock that I stole off my dad’s night stand (he doesn’t need it and hasn’t come looking for it since I took it two months ago).

I get ready with the same enthusiasm everyday but depending on whether or not I apply a darker shade of eye shadow and if I took a shower the night before or that morning, I might look like a drowned rat or a pampered princess. So these little subtleties are mere variations in my routine that have a rather large impact upon how my personality is perceived through out the day.

The fact that I do not rise joyfully to meet my day also plays a part because my tiredness and longing to relax as I lazily sleep in causes me to sacrifice vital time that I might otherwise use to dry my hair straighter. On those mornings where the sun pulls me out of sleep gently as it rises I tend to have much more energy to tend to things that a dark room encourages me to shun.

My days are constricted by my job and despite the lack of circulation, this desk job allows me ample time to indulge in a hobby of drinking tea.