There is a difference between understanding a concept and seeing it. Understanding is the basic theory that people often misinterpret for actually experiencing life that makes you really see how it works. Unfortunately it takes time to really see something for what it is and often you have to simply grow out of eras of your life to really be able to see the whole phase from a workable perspective. Clubbing and bar hopping is a prime example. It seems that most people age out of this phase either once they move back to the suburbs or take on serious full-time career responsibilities. However, there are a few of us who continue to revisit this phase because we understand it more and so are better able to control the fun by messing with those who are not yet thinking outside the bar.
I hate the fact that we can only be in one place at one time. Everyday I am forced to rely on second hand accounts of what happened, which, for the most part is fine, because I wouldn’t always want to have actually been present for most events. But I honestly have issues relying on other peoples accounts of aspects of my life that I was not present for. There are just too many variables which could totally change the perspective of the situation. Other people’s perspectives also change based on their after thoughts of the situation. I try to cycle through as many different views of problematic situations, yet alone I am often unable to think of the right angel to approach many situations.
Paranoia kicks in when I have an idea in my head that requires me to make a decision and I don’t have enough data to make a full-on decision….or I am simply afraid of what another person’s reaction will be to my decision. At this point I am not sure if the data I have in front of me is enough, so I review and review and review trying to see where I can pull more information… with each review I think accuracy diminishes, yet in the moment there is no way to know that. Only later do details become more clear and only after getting another person’s input, which in itself is based on personal bias…. so I am still unsure of how accurate I am in my interpretation of the meaning of things.
I am thinking this is a conditioned response in me from being considered the weak one, or at least, from my perspective, constantly being treated as such. It is difficult dealing with people who will always find fault in something you do, or who think that their way is always better. It is never a smooth ride with them… I have to constantly assess my positioning, which in turn requires the use of suspicion. The use of suspicious thinking enables me to be prepared for as many possible outcomes as possible in hopes that when one outcome that is undesirable to me starts forming I can better prepare myself and/or take steps to guide it to an outcome more in my favor.
Emotionally, all this reacting to mere what-if situations this is draining. The best option when stuck in this situation is to shut out the person causing the stress (especially if they fail after a second chance). Unfortunately, pushing through situations like these are seen as a sign of character and maturity, which when it comes to maintaining a job for long periods of time, is essential. In other words, I can’t quit my job before I have proper experience just because one person I work with micromanages. In my personal life, I have learned, that I can take myself out of situations that cause too much drama and/or excite negative thinking and emotions in myself.
I’m toying with ideas about my way of thinking. There are many thoughts that come to mind not because I made an effort to pull them up, but many that just appear on my mind screen in response to whatever life situation I am in (I’m talking about our natural way of drawing from experience). When I’ve been running around all day being busy…I get tired. It is my body saying, “I need to rest.” So what do I do? Rest. The extent of my resting depends on how tired I am. Therefore the extent to which my mind pushes thoughts out to life situations utilizing pathways such as suspicious thinking, paranoia, anger, etc. is a response to how stressed out I am. I need to take this side effect as a message that I need to make some sort of change for myself to decrease the stress.
I’m practicing mental monitoring (bearing witness to the mind as a yogi would say) and I know from experiencing myself that when times are good and I am healthily trekking along, this stressful type of thought-layer isn’t building in my mind. It is not the thoughts themselves (it is tempting to indulge in the individual thoughts because they are very entertaining, but they will side track you from the bigger picture of how life is affecting you), it is the fact that I am having these types of thoughts in absence of happier ones that tells me I am not where I should be.
What to change and how? Those are now the questions.
I think I have a diagnosis of a somewhat annoying aspect of being social. It has a lot to do with perspective, of course, but I think that the amount of perspectives doesn’t matter as long as others know enough about various perspectives to work with them.
The issue is ‘communication style’, which I think my generation (I’m critiquing myself as well) gets snotty and rebellious when it come to their own “style” of communication. I think we’ve forgotten that we are indeed, animals. Meaning that we exhibit innate traits, genetically encoded in our bodies, which have purpose for our survival and propagation. This obviously implies that our minds, being mere functions of our bodies, can in no way completely control how we communicate, therefore this “style” actually doesn’t do any good when the mind attempts to fake it.
The major niche I want to focus on is tone of voice. I realized that I am very very sensitive to how people express their words… which might sound cliche, but it is a huge problem for me. HUGE.
The argument I have heard from my fellow mid 20 somethings is that it is the words that are important, not much else. “At least he said the words” or “You’re not listening to the words I am saying.” I think saying the words people want to hear for the sake of appeasing them while using a tone that is not in conjunction with the meaning you are intending them to get, is a sly, vindictive, and cop out way of not taking responsibility for what you actually mean to say.
My hypothesis is that this spitting out of words to appease another party is what causes so much confusion after the fact. I remember specific off-tone words someone told me, but they don’t… they don’t have any recollection of saying any of those words in any somewhat similar order, even if I wrote it down….how can that be? Perhaps they were just saying words to get me off their back….but why not just say it… match the tone and words so people know what is up. Or, on the other hand, someone asked me a question with a confrontational tone and got confused as to why I answered defensively.
One remedy to alleviate some confusion would be to simply put as much effort into matching tones with intended meaning as one does in selecting words… and hope other do as well. From there, upload other people’s styles and simply don’t respond if you don’t understand.
I’m sure there are other remedies as well… but I see so much gray area in this Note that I’ve exhausted myself and can express no more.