Breaks from past times (school, work, social network, etc.) have an odd way of letting me finally come to terms with many facts that were swirling around in my brain for a long time. I could hypothesize about the timing of these ideas coming together in my mind with a typical “Why now? why not then?” hands in the air type of thing but Timing will have to be saved for another Note.
What gets me is how reality sets in once I look back on situations that I am no longer facing everyday or often. I see how the regurgitation and reprocessing of thoughts definitely causes me to trim the edges of my emotion spectrum, meaning, (in the extreme) if hate and love are at two ends of one spectrum, in time I both hate and love less due to a lack of renewal of once obtained stimulus in the present. With everything relying solely on my past interpretations of thoughts, (which, I am only bringing into the present out of my own need and necessity to reorganize them) the intensity of life in those past situations has no additional fuel from which to burn and thus the fire dwindles. I understand this in myself, I understand my own rates of emotional expansion and contraction because my mind is most certainly at their mercy.
What I don’t understand is other people’s understanding of what has been going on.
The problem with people is that they live on in our psyche and an image of them haunts our natural contemplation over life. Good or Bad, thinking about a person and continuing to react to that person when they are not around is quite creepy to me- now that I think more about it. Because I don’t know who I am to some people, I have no idea where they formed this method of reacting to me but sometimes I wonder if they are reacting to who I am or an image of me that they created in their heads while channel surfing. It is strange that we are all adults but many people cannot responsibly behave and communicate to each other what problems are. Most basic relationship problems are only bad if you make them bad.
I can only hypothesize that this happens because people are not taught to actually identify and solve problems. If one is unable to see how their own behavior contributes to a negative feeling and/or denies their responsibility in the matter then you have…. you have…. you have drama. Exactly the same shit you watch on TV only now, you can live the high life and experience that life for yourself because you are complacent enough to let your real life suffer for the sake of being able to tell your drama-addict friends, “Hey, that same stuff that happened on TV happened to me.”
So not only do people thrive off not solving problems to create more drama, to make it worse, people do no know that they do no know how to solve problems. They don’t see their behavior as a problem because part of drama formation is to be totally confident in one’s own rationale and finally let the person know in an intense arena with an audience as opposed to a more personal atmosphere…essentially they think that the way they saw a similar problem handled on TV is how they should handle this problem in their real lives. Not only do people let others continue to do annoying things…they invite them to do it and keep tabs…. I understand evidence needs to be gathered, of course, but within a justifiable time frame.
Once the tab is big enough, they see it as a time to throw down the gauntlet…. This isn’t problem solving my friends, and it isn’t honest friendship either, this is a manipulative power maneuver. Once that gauntlet gets thrown over an accumulation of past situations specifically where it is way, way obvious that you invited or pushed for a certain reaction out of me……then all I can say is that I’m not going to play this game anymore.