An interesting topic to be find myself writing about on a Saturday night, but writing about it seems to be the only way to get it off my mind. Rework worries me. I realize that rework is a fact of life and the power to completely eliminate it often is not mine, but It makes me lose confidence in myself. Since I my current personal goal is to identify and work through all the situations that cause me yo lose confidence in myself, I must focus on rework.
Rework makes me feel like shit. Like every time something is passed back it is because of some fault of my own and I know that is not true. It isn’t always my fault and it doesn’t matter whether or not it is anyone’s fault. But I often blame myself, not cognitively. The emotional tidal wave hits first, leaving my mind to clean up the wreckage. It is a mess. When rework is presented to me I make all sorts of strange comments like, “I thought I checked that.” I have internal fears that like to suck glory from rework. Every question someone asks become so sort of validation of my fears. Luckily I am able to beat my fears off with sticks and direct conversations with superiors (who always tell me I’m doing a good job), but it took years of being exposed to the work world to get this far in my social understanding of the workplace.
I want to be better, and I think the only way to be better is to really take inventory of how often I am given rework and note whether or not it was an error of my own or a defect in the task process. Also it would help to note how often I procrastinate and subsequently forget what I put off. Sigh… it never ends….